I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Sunday, May 01, 2016

I'll always wonder

I was able to catch up on some reading lately and I read Meredith’s post with interest, check it out here. When we began TTWD I kept waiting for the real thing – a heavy spanking, as I talked about in this post. But it never came. Well maybe once – I’d done something incredibly stupid and I was embarrassed and devastated during the aftermath. I called myself a ‘piece of shit’ and Nick took exception that that. Strange, he never spanked for the stupid thing, just for bad mouthing myself. But that one spanking was as close as we ever came to the real thing.

Nick and I are both so even tempered. I’ve said before no fights, not even any raised voices. Seeing Nick angry is an extremely rare site. I wonder now how I would react if he ever did decide to spank me when he was angry about something I’d done. Usually if he’s pissed at something I’ve done – or not done, I’m pissed right back and there is a short time of us being quiet and avoiding one another. But since he never took the HOH position, I feel that I can do what I want and it’s none of his business. I don’t mean that hatefully, it’s just that 99% of what I do is just fine with him. But let’s picture this – he’s mad about something (not out of control of course, just extremely annoyed) and maybe I’m pissed right back at him. What would happen if he decided then he was going to spank me?



This has never happened and it’s a thought provoking idea. Would I bow up and refuse? I doubt it, but if I was really upset… I would certainly hope if he had made up his mind to spank that he wouldn’t let me refuse. What an interesting concept. Would I obey in stony silence? Would I get angrier and angrier as the spanking went on or would he be able to break through my anger the way it happens in a good novel? Would I just get a quick huge or would he sit and hold me and talk to me and make me feel loved when it was over? Or would he still be angry? Would I be? What if there were truly strong emotions involved? How would we react and would it, in the end, bring us even closer?

These are such interesting questions, but I honestly doubt they’ll ever be answered.

27 comments:

  1. Very interesting questions, PK. Have you asked Nick these questions? Would love to hear his answers.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm afraid he wouldn't know the answers to these hypothetical questions any more than I do.

      Delete
  2. Hi PK, I think I am as nosy as Cat, just hop on along and ask Nick those questions and report back here!!
    love Jan, xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He doesn't know the answers either.

      Delete
  3. Hi PK, those are very interesting questions, I'm with Cat and Jan. Would be interested in Nick's thoughts.

    I think how we react depends on the emotions surrounding what led to the spanking and how strongly we feel. I have had occasions where I was pissed going into it and Rick broke through, and other times I remained pissed afterwards.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can see how that would be the most like scenario. Sometimes breaking through and sometimes not.

      Delete
  4. I think a spanking when the husband was really angry would feel more like a "beating". Yes, I imagine the emotions and spanks would break through for you, but it might be hard for both parties to get over too. We rarely fight either and on a few occasions when my husband has yelled or responded quickly with nasty statements, he feels awful afterwards.
    I squirm from a wooden spatula and terribly from a hairbrush and we have never gotten to a real disciplinary level, so I know I couldn't handle a long spanking with a series of implements like in the books. I do know sometimes I'd rather he stop me when I am roused up and giving an attitude (I've suggested stress relief but he rarely takes the hint), but I think you shouldn't "tempt the beast" too much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know what you're saying - but after nearly 33 years I know the level of 'anger' Nick can reach, and it's not something that I'd ever be concerned about. He is the most controlled man I know and he would never be out of control, even if he was upset.

      But I'm still curious to know what a spanking would be like if I had no control at all. I really don't know if I could take it or not.

      Delete
  5. I agree with the others will be interesting to hear Nicks point on this one. Spanking whilst angry or after having a few drinks is not a good idea.
    Hugs Lindy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This made me think of something that happened long ago. Long before I talked him into spankings. I used to tell him that the only time he'd hit me was when he'd been drinking - Of course that was limited to slapping me on the back and saying, 'Do you mind driving darling?' And it's years since I've even had to drive.

      Delete
  6. Hey PK, Eric and I have had this discussion because there was a time when we were not seeing eye-to-eye and after the air cleared, he spanked me for it. The conversation that followed was sparked by my question, "Why didn't you just do that while we were in the middle of it all and maybe it wouldn't have lasted so long?" His answer was interesting. Though we were both angry and though we agree that he is the HOH, as my husband he feels it is his place to ensure I am happy and cared for. When we are mad at each other, he has no desire to discipline me because he is dealing with his own feelings of disappointment in himself for us getting to this point, but not agreeing, he won't back down either. Hence, we waited out the emotions and then when it was all said and done, my bottom took an intimate round over his knee. I love Blondie's recent saying: "Try a little tenderness and if that fails, try a spanking." Amy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe that's our problem, Nick didn't want the job of HOH. He sees us as completely 50/50. I really think that when he is angry with me spanking would never occur to him. For him it's really just a sex game.

      Delete
    2. Eric truly respects the 51%/49% of our relationship and that works for me too. His HOHiness is play more than anything. :)

      Delete
  7. PK,
    I agree with the others...... ask Nick those questions.
    As for us, when we enter ttwd, Jack promised to lead and I promised to follow and submit. What happened with us is that Jack felt it necessary to stop the negative talk coming from his wife. No, I did not want what happen, but promised to submit. He never spanks harder or longer than I can take . When it is over, the negative talk coming from me is gone and we are back to happy!
    Ask Nick!
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He wouldn't know the answers any more than I would - it's just never happened. Maybe our problem is that Nick never promised to lead and I never promised to submit. I would have, but that wasn't the way he wanted it.

      Delete
  8. PK,
    Before ttwd, even little disagreements could turn me to stony silence. And there was that part of me that refused to give in. As I said in my post this weekend. Spankings like that suck the anger out of me very quickly. The connection is back, and we are able to be loving again. The connection is far more important than the spanking.

    I don't know if this will make sense to anyone else, but that kind of spanking makes me feel safe from my own excesses.

    "Ask Nick" seems to be the consensus, and I agree. Hearing his thoughts on this topic might be good for you both.

    Ella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Trust me it makes sense to me. I really don't have any questions for Nick. We can both guess at the answers, but it would only be guessing for both of us.

      Delete
  9. Personally I don't think there is a definitive answer to be had to these questions for anyone ( in my experience anyway). Why? Because each time can be a little different. Initially my husband didn't spank when he was angry. It now happens. I don't feel like I am taking a beating, emotionally anyway. My resets can leave me in far more pain in the long run than an average punishment. That being said, when my husband is angry and I am spanked it definitely feels more authentic. He has a stronger conviction. It feels like he is doing it for us as opposed to just me ( which he no longer does, but the mind is a funny thing).

    There are times when we I am pissed off, and I won't flinch regardless of what he is wielding. Hard head and all that jazz. Mind you if he says just the right thing, I will crumble.

    When we feel the most connected, I swear spanking me with a feather would be too painful to take. When we are not, he has to push me well past my limits to let me know he is there for me and can out stubborn me and I can count on him ( again the mind is a funny thing at times). It all just depends on the situation, no two seem to be alike so my reactions and his change and can change on a dime within the spanking too.

    willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right, there is no one answer. This post wasn't to get Nick to change anything. Really it's just my curiosity roaming around. My wondering isn't going to change anything.

      Delete
  10. Ironically, something like this happened. He was being a grump, barking at the kids and then, coming into the bedroom, he was really rude to me. I reacted and got upset with him and I was not my sweet self. Ty walked out of the room. When he came back, he had me face the wall while he lectured me. When he was done, I turned around and told him I was just reacting to what he did. Back to the wall and Kore lecture. This time I listened. Like he said, I agreed to this relationship and I was wrong to be rude to him no matter what. I did not communicate to him that he was being a jerk and instead of fighting back. So for us, it's more about the communication and behavior then about disagreeing. I agreed to submit and to follow the rules or get punished. The disagreement can be resolved but the behavior is where there is the rule. I know that Stormy could ask for fifteen minutes if she felt that the Ogre was spanking in anger. Luckily, for us, we don't have the mad at each other go on much. I wouldn't let him spank me when he was mad. With our relationship, I have agreed to the 51/49% on decision making. Well, I guess your scenario wouldn't happen, so I guess maybe I should erase my comment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always appreciate your comments. I guess want I have really been asking is what would it be like if we had a real dd relationship. We don't. Nick didn't want it and after all this time I guess I really don't any more either - but I still wonder what it would have been like. I appreciate you all letting me know.

      Do you still communicate with Stormy - I always worried about her.

      Delete
  11. As you know, our husbands have similar views of spankings as sexy fun. I know these questions will never be answered for me...only for me I think that is okay as the discipline aspect is a fantasy of mine and not something I would want to experience for real, at least in any serious sort of way. If my husband was truly angry I do not think I would be able to accept a spanking from him and I would feel horribly enough. However, there is still a part of me that would like to experience a spanking in which I felt he had absolute control and I submission. I think I will always be curious, but an answer...don't know I will ever experience it to know. ..if my husband ever did bring discipline up for discussion I would listen openly...but have no idea what would happen in that situation. Like yours we are 50 50 in most ways...he does not desire to be HOH and as that is the way it is and it is unlikely to change I can be content with that because of the love we have for each other...but I will still always wonder...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, a spanking I didn't have control of would be something I'd like to experience. But not if it's just a joke - then I think I'd just be mad.

      Delete
  12. I'll always wonder too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. It doesn't upset me anymore, I just wonder.

      Delete
  13. There must be a freshness, lightness, openness and trust in the marriage when spanking is involved. Mine is very much up tight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't want up tight - I love my light and airy but there are days I want meat, not just candy and soda.

      Delete