I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, April 25, 2016

What makes it real?

Have you even thought of breaking spankings down into categories? I see them that way these days – lite, medium and heavy. The implements could be the same, the length and intensity may even be the same. I’ve come to believe it’s the attitudes that makes all the difference.

Lite

These can be anything from the random swat to a real barn burner, depending on how hard you like to play. Lite spankings can be given for a variety of reasons. Maybe you broke a minor rule – no one’s mad, it’s just a good reason to spank. Maybe you left the basement light on, you’re sitting in ‘his’ spot, it’s Wednesday or he just loves having his hands on your butt. There is usually giggling, pretend outrage.  Squirming, putting hands back, protesting the implement choice, promising that the spankings isn’t necessary, more laughter, lots of rubbing and if the time and place permits other fun activities.



Medium

There is more thought behind these. Maybe you’ve done (or not done) something your sweetie is serious about. Something like leaving the car with little but fumes in the tank, ignoring the need to exercise, leaving your keys in the car over night. It could also include minor over spending or breaking any rule/agreement that you know your honey is serious about. There shouldn’t be any reaching back or much protesting and your guy needs to know you’re listening and taking the situation seriously. I see maintenance and needed stress reliving spankings in this category. Nobody has to be mad or upset but it’s not all laughing and squirming.



Heavy

As I see it no one really enjoys a heavy spanking, not the spanker or the spankee. I’m guessing they hurt and that often there are tears and guilt and strong emotions are released. There the ones the spankee doesn't really want, but she knows it's not up to her. Things aren’t right and some feelings need to be broken though in a spanking of this nature. Things like a break in trust, lying, putting yourself in true danger. I think these could bring on a heavy spanking. I feel it’s something that has hurt the relationship in some way. I think the only thing I know I do/did that would fall into this category is pulling away. I used to do it quite often – I’d get my feelings hurt, usually something to do with TTWD (or don’t do, which would usually cause it). I wouldn’t tell Nick, I’d just close myself off in my head and secretly hope Nick would notice and care enough to break through.




But this wasn’t really being fair to him. I hide anger and being upset extremely well. I just go quite and nurse my hurt feelings. Not silent, just quiet. I’d talk if he asks a question, but I didn’t initiate conversation – I was already having the conversation (argument) in my head.

I don’t do this as much anymore. I’ve given up on some on some aspects of TTWD. I gave them up with a sigh and a little regret, but it was the only way to keep myself from falling into mild depression on a regular basis.  I’m not being completely truthful, with myself that is, I know the desires I’ve tried to shut out are still there and I still get down about them, but now it’s a couple of times a year and not a couple of times a month. Nick and I are a hundred times closer than we were before TTWD and I’ll be forever grateful for what it’s given us. But I feel there is another lever of closeness that we just haven’t reached, and I wish we could.


I think a great spanking relationship need all three of these. I think of it as a pyramid – there needs to
be a huge amount of the lite variety, fun, playful and full of laughter. A moderate amount of medium is needed to make things real and not just a game. But in my head to be complete, to put the point on the top, you need to at least know the heavy is a possibility. For me that brings the realism.

18 comments:

  1. Hi PK, Nice to get your perspective on this. We've only been at it for 8 months and are still figuring out the difference between the three. We also seem to have a hard time differentiating between resets, punishment and play (which often becomes sexual). I think the hard part is they often run into one another. Would you say that is also the case with your three? Lite, medium and heavy? Amy

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    1. They do but I wish they wouldn't. I like the idea of discipline, not often, but as part of the whole TTWD relationship. When I need to get into the mindspace of discipline and it ends in great sex, it's just not... right.

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  2. Hi PK, this is a great post! I agree it's the attitude, the reason for the spanking and emotions involved that makes the difference.

    I used to categorise spankings as fun, role affirmation and discipline, which basically equates to lite, medium and heavy. Having said that though, I have experienced fun spankings that were hard and discipline spankings that were lighter, because they didn't need to be harder due to the emotions involved.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Exactly! Nick doesn't understand the need for serious discipline. Maybe I don't either, but I know it's something I need to feel.

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  3. This is a very insightful post, PK. There is some serious thinking behind it. I know we all may have our own little names for different types of spankings, but in essence you have captured the reasons and feelings that are present in each level of spanking.

    When you write about the realism, it really hits the nail on the head. It cannot be a game. That is so wrong. I have been writing a piece myself where I thought about how spanking and ttwd are like the air I breathe. It is not just a perk. I need it.

    Excellent Post!
    Ella

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    1. I'm afraid Nick will never see it as anything but a game. He does his absolute best, but I just don't think he can conceive of truly disciplining me. I can't hold that against him, but I wish it was different.

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  4. Great post PK. It fits so very well, as you know.

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    1. I know you understand completely.

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  5. Very well put, PK. Harry's attitude definitely sets the tone of a spanking and there's no mistaking the difference between fun and discipline. I haven't experienced the top level of the pyramid but I won't tempt fate by saying I never will.
    Rosie xx

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    1. You seem to be at a good place. It's not that I crave the heavy level, I just want to know that it could be a possibility. Like I said that's what makes it real.

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  6. A great post. I guess I have tried to categorise. I've not had the pleasure of having the level of spanking determined for me. In times past, my wife has spanked me but only as a result of me asking her and that kind of messes up the getting into a sub headspace.

    I did establish for myself at least that a good spanking, I guess I would categorise as medium is a good way of getting rid of a headache.

    I also have this ongoing desire that I would love to be tied down and spanked, caned or paddled really hard and being free to scream out. Weird hey. I guess that's another category.

    :)

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    1. I'm with you on asking messes up the head space. I'm happy they are willing to comply, but I just wish it was their idea some time, right? I can't say your last desire is weird - I understand it, don't know why, but I understand.

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  7. Great explanations, PK. My ex was a fan of the "drive by" swats...as he walked past me, he'd swat...sometimes on the hard side but mostly just enough to get me attention and make me jump. ;) Thanks for sharing.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. I love the drive by swat! But sometimes I need something more.

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  8. completely understand this...

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  9. Sex after a discipline spanking kind of defeats the purpose for me. That is the major difference between this and all of the other spankings. But that is how it works for me. I have heard of having sex as a way to comfort after a spanking, which would work if I hated spankings.
    It's a nice story and I am glad we got the chance to read it.
    May? I can't believe it's already May

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    1. I'm with you completely. In my mind sex after discipline changes it from something real and serious in a dd relationship to a way for him to get sex. Both are fine, but not the same things.

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