Have you even thought of breaking spankings down into categories? I see them that way these days – lite, medium and heavy. The implements could be the same, the length and intensity may even be the same. I’ve come to believe it’s the attitudes that makes all the difference.
These can be anything from the random swat to a real barn burner, depending on how hard you like to play. Lite spankings can be given for a variety of reasons. Maybe you broke a minor rule – no one’s mad, it’s just a good reason to spank. Maybe you left the basement light on, you’re sitting in ‘his’ spot, it’s Wednesday or he just loves having his hands on your butt. There is usually giggling, pretend outrage. Squirming, putting hands back, protesting the implement choice, promising that the spankings isn’t necessary, more laughter, lots of rubbing and if the time and place permits other fun activities.
There is more thought behind these. Maybe you’ve done (or not done) something your sweetie is serious about. Something like leaving the car with little but fumes in the tank, ignoring the need to exercise, leaving your keys in the car over night. It could also include minor over spending or breaking any rule/agreement that you know your honey is serious about. There shouldn’t be any reaching back or much protesting and your guy needs to know you’re listening and taking the situation seriously. I see maintenance and needed stress reliving spankings in this category. Nobody has to be mad or upset but it’s not all laughing and squirming.
As I see it no one really enjoys a heavy spanking, not the spanker or the spankee. I’m guessing they hurt and that often there are tears and guilt and strong emotions are released. There the ones the spankee doesn't really want, but she knows it's not up to her. Things aren’t right and some feelings need to be broken though in a spanking of this nature. Things like a break in trust, lying, putting yourself in true danger. I think these could bring on a heavy spanking. I feel it’s something that has hurt the relationship in some way. I think the only thing I know I do/did that would fall into this category is pulling away. I used to do it quite often – I’d get my feelings hurt, usually something to do with TTWD (or don’t do, which would usually cause it). I wouldn’t tell Nick, I’d just close myself off in my head and secretly hope Nick would notice and care enough to break through.
But this wasn’t really being fair to him. I hide anger and being upset extremely well. I just go quite and nurse my hurt feelings. Not silent, just quiet. I’d talk if he asks a question, but I didn’t initiate conversation – I was already having the conversation (argument) in my head.
I don’t do this as much anymore. I’ve given up on some on some aspects of TTWD. I gave them up with a sigh and a little regret, but it was the only way to keep myself from falling into mild depression on a regular basis. I’m not being completely truthful, with myself that is, I know the desires I’ve tried to shut out are still there and I still get down about them, but now it’s a couple of times a year and not a couple of times a month. Nick and I are a hundred times closer than we were before TTWD and I’ll be forever grateful for what it’s given us. But I feel there is another lever of closeness that we just haven’t reached, and I wish we could.
I think a great spanking relationship need all three of these. I think of it as a pyramid – there needs tobe a huge amount of the lite variety, fun, playful and full of laughter. A moderate amount of medium is needed to make things real and not just a game. But in my head to be complete, to put the point on the top, you need to at least know the heavy is a possibility. For me that brings the realism.