Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Drama, Drama, Drama!

This isn’t fun or sexy or spanky or anything like that. But I’d still appreciate you mothers out there reading and helping if you can.

I’m used to girl drama, I teach the sixth grade. I’m just not used to having Mollie troubled by it. She general stayed away all during her growing up years. I thought I’d missed it – no such luck.

A little background.  Her current roommate (Jamie) is one of her college roommates. There was a third roommate who had a brother. Both Mollie and Jamie liked the brother. So Jamie slept with him. Very tacky I thought, but none of my business. Molly was annoyed, but not devastated.  Jamie and brother now date, but he is in the military on the other side of the country.



The roommate sister and Jamie seem to be excluding Mollie lately. It’s really hurt Mollie’s feelings, which tears me up – yet I still stay out of it other than to listen, agree that they aren’t being fair and restrain myself from expressing my opinion of the little bitches!

Brother bought Jamie a ticket to come to visit him in CA over Labor Day. Jamie’s parents blew a gasket – called her a slut, forbid her to go and have called each night for a week now to harass her, demanding she do as they say – she’s twenty-two. For a while her mother insisted on going with her. Mollie is having anxiety just from listening to Jamie’s side of the conversations with her parents and then the long distance boyfriend.

As I’ve written all this (Tuesday night) Jamie decided not to go – her parents won, as Mollie put it and now they know if they really act like assholes they will always be able to win.  Boyfriend loses a ton on money on the ticket. Mollie says she feels she definitely won the parent pool and appreciates us being sane.

Now a question for you all – and you may have to ask your twenty-something kids – Where does one go after college to meet people? I’m not even talking about guys and dating, I’m talking about female friends to eat out with, go to the movies, shopping…

Mollie doesn’t mind going to some bars, but she doesn’t really want to go totally alone. There are no teachers at her school under thirty-five and all are married with kids – she really likes them, but it’s not what she really needs.  The mom in me wants to suggest joining a church – but honestly, not many single twenties go to church these days. So where are the young adults?.

Texting last night she said without Jamie and Sister roommate she really has no one to hang out with. My reply was, “I have a whole bunch of motherly advice to give you but I certainly won’t bother you with it now. I’ll send you an email soon that you can read or ignore as you like.”

Her reply was, “Ugh, okay.”  Poor kid.

So help me out here – where is a young twenty-something teacher in a small town to meet other twenty somethings? (and is it the sign of a bad mother that I want to kicked the shit out of these two girls?)

Written by PK at 7:00 PM

31 comments

31 Comments:

At 12:37 AM, Blogger Blondie said...

You are an awesome mom cause you want to kick the shit out of those girls. My two boys, one is 22 and the other is 20, told me that they usually met girls through mutual friends. Some social gathering. We also have a twenty something group at my church. The girls are really nice but this doesn't work for everyone. Volunteer work is a great way to make friends too. I am probably not much help. But I can say that I am totally understanding your point of view as the mother

 
At 12:59 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

I am so sorry PK but I have no idea. What about joining some sort of hobby that is a male and female activity. a sport or dancing maybe. Poor Mollie,give her a hug from me
love Jan,xx

 
At 3:07 AM, Blogger julie said...

I know how difficult it is, my son had similar problems after college. He met his girlfriend on Tinder, so I have no idea how young people meet up in real life these days out of work etc. But as an English Rose says, perhaps a hobby?

 
At 3:13 AM, Blogger Roz said...

PK, you are such a wonderful Mom, Mollie is right, she lucked out in the parent stakes :) I'm sorry to hear she is being excluded and am afraid I can't offer much other than what Jan said.

Hugs
Roz

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger DelFonte said...

Mollie has great parents and knows how lucky she is! being excluded is horrible, and sounds like her friends need to grow up some more.

She could try volunteering at a local charity, or sports, choirs. I had a similar problem going straight from Uni. In the UK we've a charity called Rotary, which has a younger affiliation, Rotaract. I met some great friends there. Many got married to each other and they still are my best friends and our kids are all friends too. I don't know if you have an equivalent organisation over your way. But it gave me a lot of confidence in meeting new people and we had fun too.

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

PK,

Sorry Mollie is being excluded. She doesn't need this. Really annoys me and you know what will happen if Jamie breaks up with the guy. It will be Mollie she turns to.

Social clubs, voluntary work could be good other than that not sure.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

 
At 6:55 AM, Blogger lindy thomas said...

Hi PK, You are doing a wonderful job as a mum and I don't blame you for wanting to kick those two biatches. How immature of them to act that way. My children are all older but I know our niece goes to a coffee shop where younger people hang out. Or as Jan said some sort of hobby group. Bear and I used to belong to one called singles in the city where you went for a meal then socialised once a week before we married. Don't know if you have something like that where you live.
Good luck, try not to stress too much but it is so hard watching your children go through this situation. (((HUGS))) to you both. Lindy x

 
At 7:08 AM, Blogger abby said...

Hugs...to both of you, it is a problem once they out of college...the best i can come up with is joining the Y and picking classes/activities that attract the younger set.....she sounds like a delightful young lady....
hugs abby

 
At 7:12 AM, Anonymous Kate H said...

I feel for Mollie; she doesn't need this drama to come home to. I don't think she would have time for volunteering right now as planning for her new class most likely carries over to evening hours. Some younger nieces and nephews were telling me about websites called "Meet ups" that are not dating sites, but event based gatherings. You find things like bike outings, skiing, a group going to a ballgame, etc. You may not have any close enough if you are in a small town though.
I think she should sit down with either one roommate at a time or both and tell them she misses their company. Believe me, mothering does not end when they get that degree or leave home....

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

I want to kick the shit out of the parents and the girl for caving in.

Sorry about Mollie being left out. It probably won't be long that the 3rdone will be mad at Jaimie because her brother lost money on the deal. That's neither here nor there.

There are some great ideas in the comments above. I was going to suggest a gym, or community organization. Hope something works, it can be lonely otherwise.

 
At 11:30 AM, Blogger Rosie Jones said...

Poor Mollie and poor you, it's hard when one of our chicks is unhappy, whatever their age. One of my daughters took up photography and made friends through the classes, so I agree with others who have suggested a hobby or joining a gym.

Rosie xx

 
At 3:06 PM, Blogger Ashley Lee said...

That is so difficult when they are out of college away from their friends they met there. Our daughter joined a gym. I live in a college town and the Church that most young people attend is Huge and more of a rock concert lots of college and college graduates attend & they have small group meet ups. Volunteering is also a great way to meet people. Take up a dance class, painting, hiking something she would enjoy doing or learning about. I know its difficult our daughter is a little over 2 hours away and everyone she works with is much older with children etc.

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger Katie said...

Oh I am sorry to hear this, PK! :( Poor Mollie!! You ARE a great mom. It is hard when our kids are struggling with stuff like this.

I have had recent discussions with daughter#1 about this very thing. Her job is isolating, and her boyfriend has school and work these days, so they "pass in the night". She is far from here, and doing okay, but also needs to get out and meet others.

Most of the suggestions above are similar to what I have drummed up in my head, and passed on to my daughter. I've suggested taking a dance class (she loved to dance back in school), join a music group or something else of interest. I have also suggested volunteering, church young adult groups, those kinds of things. Kate mentioned something above called "Meet ups". Someone else told me about that when we were talking of this very thing. Apparently there are groups as mentioned above for all kinds of things. It is quite popular. I cannot, for the life of me remember who told me about this.

Gosh the roommate situation sounds so unfortunate! I hope that Mollie has the energy to get of there and try some of these things after a full day of school. Sounds like getting away from the drama will be good to do! Thinking of you. Hard when our kids are upset and away. Hope that things improve for Mollie swiftly. BIG HUGS sent your way and to Mollie!

<3 Katie

 
At 5:15 PM, Blogger Julia said...

I have two older step-children, and one is in college and very active in the dancing community in her town, and the other works from home, and doesn't leave the home much. I think there may be many more of that generation that just doesn't leave home as much and live their lives online. Otherwise I know he likes the local arcade too.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

I'm so sorry about the crazy drama. The girls are wrong to exclude her! Absolutely. Hopefully being so young, they will realize their mistake.
The girl should have said to her parents that they have dirty minds! How can they determine what she is?
Ugh!
My daughter had a hard time meeting people at first when she moved back home. Luckily meeting a nice group of friends at work.
I've heard about Meet-ups too. They are a great way to meet friends.
You're doing a great job not saying too much! Awesome mom!

 
At 7:39 PM, Blogger PK said...

I wish she had more friends around to introduce her to folks. I like that way too. I think she would like volunteer work if she can find the time.

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger PK said...

I will. At least you all have given me some ideas to suggest.

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know I've met wonderful people on line - but I'm hesitant to suggest on line to my kid. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit.

 
At 7:44 PM, Blogger PK said...

It just infuriates me - but I have to keep my mouth shut.

 
At 7:47 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know there is Rotary here - not sure it's the same thing, but I've never heard of Rotaract. I'll look into it. I'm doing all this behind the scene, of course, but should she want suggestions I want to have them.

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger PK said...

I think Jamie always expects Mollie to be there. While I want Mollie to be supportive and not bitchy like them - but I want her to do her own thing and not be at Jamie beck and call.

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger PK said...

I had just heard of a coffee shop in her town where young people gathered - but the next day I heard they had gone bankrupted and pad locked the door. We'll just keep looking.

 
At 7:57 PM, Blogger PK said...

She really is a cool kid. I'm hoping once she gets settled in teaching she can look for something like that.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know my mother told me it went on forever - but I hoped she was exaggerating. She wasn't. I'll mention this website in my 'suggestions' email.

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know she is really busy at work right now - and sadly all this damn drama at home, but hopefully all will settle and she might try some of these good suggestions.

 
At 8:04 PM, Blogger PK said...

Mom used to say she could never be happier than her least happy child. I understand that now. She does like photography - so that's a possibility.

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger PK said...

It seems all my friends came from the work place after college (until I got online). I was lucky that there were people there my age. Maybe some of her co-teachers have younger brothers or nephews or something.

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger PK said...

I knew you'd understand how it effects me. Mollie has always been a little shy - not horribly so, but a little. This meet-up thing sounds interesting. Wonder if there is one around?

 
At 8:13 PM, Blogger PK said...

I could easily be a hermit, but I know Mollie likes to be out with people, but she doesn't have the courage to just jump into strange situations.

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger PK said...

Sooo hard to keep my mouth shut! Jamie's parents were pregnant with her when they married! Do they not realize she can count to five and that she knows that?

 
At 10:19 PM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

I am so sorry I missed this...I have not been able to be here much and am just now catching up. I hope the drama resolves. You are so right that no matter how old your children are they are and always will be your children and you will always love them, worry for them, care for them, and hope for them...just remember you are a wonderful mom and and Mollie is so lucky to have you as you are her. :-) I have no advice though it seems like many gave great suggestions. I know how hard it is to meet friends after college. I hope she is able to make some connections. Hugs

 

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