Monday, September 14, 2015

I'm fine, it's just...

I didn’t mean to worry anyone – I’m fine. I just have the tendency when I get down everything seems to pile on me. Or I let the worry of many things get to me. Nick and I are sorta in roommate mode. Not completely, but there has been no spanking and that’s been fine with me. I haven’t missed it. I’ve missed the closeness, I want what I know TTWD can bring but it’s not here right now. I've blogged more than nine years now. I've said everything I know to say to Nick about TTWD. I'm now at a loss.

I haven’t really been feeling great. Some stomach pains, I’ve felt extremely stiff lately. My neck, my knees and I woke Sunday morning with such a backache it almost made my chest hurt. It was like I’d slept for hours on a crummy hotel bed, but it was the bed I’ve slept in for the last ten years. It was fine by mid-morning. I don’t know what’s going on.

Mostly I’m upset over Mollie. The 6th grade drama with roommate hasn’t let up much. It got so bad that she did something she admitted to me was wrong, but she was desperate to find out what was going on. She looked on roommates phone and read the text messages between her and the old roommate. In the text they were saying Mollie was a bitch and they didn’t want to hang around with her. I really want to get my hands of these two. It’s not always horrible; they were all together this weekend as well as other friends and Mollie said she had a good time.  But its like my mother told me when I married Nick, she said to never tell her when we fought because while I’d get over it in a day she would remember it for the rest of her life. I know I’ll always have negative feelings for these girls. But I have to be low key when talking to Mollie. I’ve just said that they are a bit immature and they’ll grow out of that. Biting my tongue is getting painful. I sent her an email giving her all the good suggestions you mentioned about meeting people her age, I added a few of my own. I’ve suggested he not always be too available to do stuff with roommate when she needed someone so she wouldn’t be alone.

So things in my life are annoying – not bad. I’m hurting a bit physically and emotionally, I’ve shared all the Mollie drama with Nick and he is equally as outraged but really there is nothing we can do about it. We haven’t discussed TTWD and I don’t have the energy to get into it with him especially since I really don’t know what I want to say.

I think – I really think if I could have some time to write I’d feel tons better. But I don’t think I’ve had that in months and months now. It nearly impossible after school, I’m tired and there just isn’t time. Then there seems to always be something to do on the weekend. It’s hard to get into the writing when anyone is here. Maybe it’s alone time I need.

I agree with several who have pointed out lately it’s those of us out here that understand each other that provide the most comfort. Truly I know I’m going to be okay. I’ve blogged long enough to know how my feelings go up and down, but this time of figuratively putting my feet up with all you ladies, sipping wine and whining when I need to is more therapeutic than anything I can think of.

Written by PK at 5:30 PM



At 12:45 AM, Anonymous Laura said...

How infuriating. I hope that Mollie is able to find some new friends and distance herself from these girls - they certainly don't sound like any kind of "friend".

At 2:00 AM, Blogger Roz said...

PK, I'm so sorry you are hurting physically and emotionally and I totally get wanting the closeness and what ttwd brings. I'm sorry also the situation with Mollie and her 'friends' hasn't improved. Hopefully with a bit more maturity.

It's great to have this place to share and where we are understood.


At 2:19 AM, Blogger lindy thomas said...

PK sorry to hear you are hurting so much. Sometimes stress can do weird things to our bodies, so hopefully that is all what's causing you to have tummy pains etc. Try some meditation perhaps to relax, if you can get a minute or two.
Poor Mollie having to put up with those immature girls. Surely they are old enough to know better than acting that way. I know being the caring mum that you are it is hard to not stress over this situation. Hope things improve soon with both you and Mollie.

Lindy x

At 6:15 AM, Blogger abby said...

Hey, my friend....whine away...and add a little wine too! I am sorry to hear life is treating you roughly right now. We are not as young as we used to be and our bodies sometimes let us know that....add stress and it seems we are really getting older....No real advice...just hugs and sympathy and some wine...and find some 'just me' time...we deserve that.
hugs abby

At 7:11 AM, Blogger Ella said...

Perhaps even better! "Wine and Sympathy" My last year teaching, I used up all my sick days because we were not paid for unused days when we retired. (Not that I actually retired.) After all the years I put in for that district, I decided that I had that coming. If you have a bunch saved up, use them to write. It sounds like your brand of therapy and so much cheaper than a shrink.

Yesterday afternoon I had a date with my #2 son. I like to go out with my boys separately once in a while. It lets me catch up with them and their lives in a much different way than a family gathering. It was nice to hear that #2 son was so happy with a new relationship. I thought of you, PK, listening to the troubles Mollie is facing. Just like when they are 8 years old, we do not want to know they are being belittled. We want to fly to their defense and try to make things better. If I live to be 100, I don't think that will ever change. I guess we just need to feel glad that they still love us enough to share the good times and the bad times that we all face.

Big Hug from Ella

At 9:00 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

You're bogged down with stress which is probably the cause of your physical ailments.

You know Nick isn't going to change any more than you are. He will come around again as he always does and then disappear again. It is what it is.

As for Mollie, while I know you feel bad, she is an adult and has to work out her own solutions. You can offer advice but the best thing you can do is love her from afar (if you know what I mean).

As for writing, you know that when you're in the writing mindset, nothing stops you. Right now, it's the perfect scapegoat and you can blame all your ails on the fact you are not writing.

You're right, we're here to listen and to offer some 'tough love' occasionally. If you need to vent, you know the number.


At 9:37 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Oh dear PK, I think maybe Leigh is right, the stress is what is giving you the aches and pains. Still maybe you should get checked out just in case. Poor Mollie, I think she is so sensible that she will soon move on from this sharing situation. Once she has been at her job for a while longer perhaps other living opportunities will come about. She just need s to bide her time for a while and get out there and make a few friends elsewhere. Bless her, pity she doesn't blog, we are so lucky to have someone to talk to when things are rubbish. As to Nick and yourself, I have no advice , we have talked and talked. Things are going well here, ( not that that helps you, sorry) I was brave enough to let him know what I wanted ( which was pretty much what we had before!!) and we have put some things in place that we both have to do to ensure that we don't let each other down. I hope you can find time to write, can you not go on the sick for a bit, I know that is not ideal but hey ho you have done your bit.
much love Jan,xx

At 10:37 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

Sorry for the way you are feeling. If you don't feel better in a couple of days go and see your doctor.

I know you can't do anything to help Mollie with this situation but she is a sensible girl and she has to work things out for herself with these girls.

Nick is Nick and he wont change but you know that.

This is a great place to come and vent. We are here to offer support and listen.


At 7:38 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

I think everyone said it all. I agree that Nick will come back and enjoy spanking for awhile.... Then retreat due to life.
As for Mollie.... Just keep it low key and offer common sense advice! You know our girls are of a similar age so.... I get it!

At 8:48 PM, Blogger PK said...

I'd like to ring their necks! But she has taken some of my advice and is reaching out to some old friends.

At 8:50 PM, Blogger PK said...

I really feel better just for having blogged it all. Nothing has changed, but it feels better to know friends are close by.

At 8:52 PM, Blogger PK said...

Usually I have no stress, really I'm pretty laid back. But I know I am carrying stress about Mollie.

At 8:54 PM, Blogger PK said...

I greatly appreciate the hugs, sympathy and the wine would be nice too.

At 9:08 PM, Blogger PK said...

I can't believe my state does something better than another! They pay me for every sick day I have - and right now that stands at just over 200 days.

I know I will never not worry about my kids. And when Mollie is safely married with kids I'll just worry about all of them.

At 9:33 PM, Blogger PK said...

Your tough love is exactly on the mark, damn it! Except for the writing things. I'm not ever sure I can write anymore. I swear it's been so long.

At 9:39 PM, Blogger PK said...

I'm so happy that things are better for you - I like it when things are improving for my friends. I don't have the heart to say it all again. Maybe someday, but not now.

Mollie hates writing, mores the pity. It sure is a great release.

At 9:45 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know it's me I have to change not him. But how do I change what I need, other than just stopping thinking about it. I would truly be crazy if I didn't have you guys.

At 9:48 PM, Blogger PK said...

I'm just not sure I can do this on again off again. Maybe it should just be off.

At 11:35 PM, Blogger submanhub said...

oh sounds so sad. Hope Mollie can move on to a better state of mind and you too.

At 6:13 AM, Blogger PK said...

We will and thank you. It will just take a little time.

At 10:27 PM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

PK I am sorry to hear that you are going through a challenging time. I understand so completely your feelings of TTWD as I could have written it myself. I used to hope so much that it hurt. Now I try to accept. I do not have the emotional energy in me to repeat the words and feelings I have said many a times before. Like Sunny is what it is. And so I accept what is and hope for what will be even though it will never be as I hope. I so wish we lived closer so we could whine together and get it our of our system over a relaxing drink. :-) As for Molly, it must be so hard to watch her going through that and not be able to do anything...though you are doing something - just by being there for her. Sending love and hugs


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