First a quick note from New York. The performances went well. There were 15 from LJ’s school in this showcase. Agents have indicated 5 of the 15 that they would like to talk with. LJ was in this five!! I’m very happy and excited for him but of course, I know nothing about this business. No meetings have been set up yet so I don’t know if the agents are serious or not but I’ll keep everyone posted. I guess if LJ becomes truly famous I’ll probably end up outing myself here because I’ll be so very proud of him!
I’ve finally talked to Nick. I had let myself spiral pretty far down. I was slogging through the day at work, coming home and totally checking out. I didn’t want to talk or connect in any way. I threw up the walls fast and I sat inside and sulked. Mollie was babysitting this weekend and Nick sent me a sweet text inviting me to play. I just couldn’t I was tired (I do have a cold) but more over I was sad and the thoughts running through my head just wouldn’t let go. They are the same one I usually have when I get down. I’m fat again, maybe Nick doesn’t want to help with that any more, he hasn’t spanked in so long, he doesn’t really want to any more, and on and on. So I turned him down. Then I felt like crap because I had turned him down. It wasn’t a good evening.
Nick was not upset that I declined but he wanted to know what was going on. I think I needed him to ask me before I could break down and tell him how I was feeling and why. So I started writing and sent him an email explaining as well as I could. I told him what I needed and how I was feeling. Usually I feel much lighter after I finally break down and talk with him but I was wondering about the timing. I really am feeling awful with this cold. Work is very stressful – not unusual, it’s all normal for this time of the year but stressful none the less. I am so tired in the afternoons that the gym seems like an insurmountable task. Was this really a good time for me to ask Nick to be spanking more?
Well it seems that it was. Tuesday afternoon Nick invited me back to the bedroom for a spanking and a talk. Both were good. I want to tell you about the talk soon but right now my brain isn’t working. I just wanted to let my friends that have been worried about me that things are looking up. I did mention to him that the timing might not be great and I was happy that Nick seemed to realize that it all might be something I really did need right now. I know I need to keep talking to him. And I told him that he needs to keep insisting that I talk to him. When I stop talking and he doesn’t push it I easily convince myself he doesn’t want to know what’s going on inside my head.
I think we are going to try maintenance. That’s something I really want for a while. We haven’t worked out any real details yet. We have to restart the diet program too. But I feel hopeful. Oh and one more thing, I said the talking and the spanking were good, they were but they weren’t the best things about our afternoon alone! There were plenty of Ahhhhhhh... going with those Owwwwww's!