I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, May 03, 2009

Weekend update and spanking thoughts

Hey everyone! I had a good weekend. We got to go see LJ in a play. We spent the night with my sister and Mollie got to stay in the dorm with her cousin – after going to her first ‘college party’. I have great faith in Mollie not to be stupid and she didn’t let me down. I asked her if she talked to many people and she said no, but that she sure did a lot of listening! I think she had a really good time.

Collin was there to see the play too and then we took everyone out for breakfast Sunday morning. When we go to see him in a play breakfast is really the only time we get to spend with him. His classes are over and only a few exams remain. Apparently when you are a theater major exams aren’t a big deal. He didn’t get into the stage company he was hoping for this summer. As you might imagine hard times are hurting the Arts in a big way. Troupes are cutting down the number of plays they are doing and going for smaller casts. I am hoping he can get some kind of jobs for some hours this summer.

Okay that’s it for the kids update, on to the spanking portion of the blog.

Sigh…

We’re not doing so great on that front. No problems, nothing to complain about. I have had a few short spankings. And we have found time for some great lovemaking. But, but…

I read Bonnie’s brunch question for this Sunday, it was

What do you and your partner do to keep alive your interest in spanking?


I really liked the question. I read some of the answers and many were saying that as a couple of hard wired spankos it really wasn’t a problem keeping interest alive. But what do you do when you have a mixed marriage – spanko/vanilla?

I have no doubt that Nick enjoys spanking me occasionally. It can lead to wonderful things that are probably more fun for him that the spankings themselves, which satisfies many of my needs. But the deeper needs still are still there.

It’s like if after 25 years of marriage Nick came to me and said “I have always wanted to climb mountains. I’ve never told you before but sometimes it’s all I can think about. Will you do it with me?” My answer is “Sure, why didn’t you tell me. Let’s go.”

So we head to the mountains and we walk across mountain meadows. We climb some steep paths, limb on some rock to see the view and we both enjoy it. But then Nick says “This is great but what I really meant was MOUNTAIN CLIMBING!” I then I find he wants to be scaling sheer cliffs, hanging on by his finger tips and ropes and such. Grabbing oxygen tanks and heading to Everest. And I have to tell him – nope, sorry that is not for me. I just can’t go there with you. This is the way I think Nick feels about the whole ‘I want to be spanked’ revelation.

This is not a post to complain about Nick, I think Nick is doing all he knows to do. But some things are just not in him to give. Giving true discipline will never be part of his make up. We are neither one all that great at roll playing either. That will always be a need in my head but I don’t think it will be fulfilled because I don’t even know how to explain what I need.

I know now I don’t want Nick ordering me around the moment I walk in the door. I don’t want him telling me when I can and can’t spend money, what I should wear, when I can leave the house. Some love that kind of control and I am happy for them when they find it, but it’s not right for Nick and me.

So what am I trying to say to him? “Don’t boss me around or tell me what to do but please dominate me!” LOL!! No wonder men can get so confused!

I do know I want to be dominated in the bed room! I love it when he tells me to get into a certain position, when he tells me to put on the blindfold, when he tells me to be still. I like to be treated like a possession in the bedroom. I like being ordered around and spanked when I resist or don’t react quickly enough. I love being tied up – and I mean for real (at least for a short time) where I really can’t move around and I can pull against the restraints and find them unyielding. I want to be able to say ‘No, stop’, ‘Let me go’, ‘Please, no more’ and have him ignore me!!

I wish Nick understood the value of words and tone to a spanko. Nick is the kindest of men and even when he is ordering me around that comes through. Only on very few occasions will he truly use his dominate look and voice. And Nick honey, in case you don’t know the voice and look I’m talking about, it’s what you use whenever I talk about getting another kitten. LOL! – he is all dom then! By word, tone and stance there is no doubt when he says ‘We do not need kitten’ that he means it!! But if I actually brought one home he would be pissed – but spanking me for defying him would never occur to him.

Ahhh… well. These are just random thought running through my head. I thought I’d try to get some of them down. Check in on the diet update this week. I’ll probably have more.

8 comments:

  1. Its often interesting what comes out of our random thoughts sweety......and you're right, explaining those deep down feelings can often be difficult. One persons mountain will so often be anothers hill.....and the words are an important part of painting our personal perceptions.

    love and hugs xxx

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  2. As usual, PK provides so much insight into her posts. The mixed marriage spanko/vanilla line was so descriptive. As was the mountain climbing metaphor. In any marriage or relationship, it's probaby difficult for both partners to be completely on the same page in all things and compromises always have to be made. But the great thing is that PK and Nick appear to be such a great match in every other way.

    And, PK, do you have a friend you could borrow a kitten from and bring it home to give him the idea you defied him and see if you're right that he won't do anything except be pissed. LOL.

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  3. PK, I suspect that many marriage's are like this.
    I think that you and Nick are doing very well.
    I love the mountain climbing metaphor.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

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  4. PK... I guess that after a not working marriage and at the same time being in a D/s relationship (though not full time) and having moved on out of the D/s and the marriage and into a relationship with Guitarman I do know what you mean...

    He will never be a Master or my Master... he would naver ever call me his slave or possession... but I am totally his... *smiles*... and no intensive electro play or needles... but damn can he spank hard with his hand..

    maybe it's more what my mom would call old fashioned... we do take all the important decisions together... but he has the last word... and I like it like that...

    I can't see myself going cliff hanging either... I am schared of heights hanging on just a rope.. I do like them from a cable cart or whatever... grin...

    and in every word I read I feel your love for Nick and that sure makes me smile...

    love, Lessa

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  5. Really nice description, PK. I know you are really in love with your hubby, and he with you. YOu are doing a great job of compromising. I don't know if K is a real spanko but he is enough of one to know that the benefits of dd far outweight his slight discomfort with discipline. I really do think that he is fast getting past any discomfort and is becoming a true spanko! :) Have a great week, I hope you have fabulous things to say when you do your diet update!
    ~N

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  6. Lovely post PK. You and Nick have something really special, many haven't. It's very hard to explain exactly your deep needs.

    Loved the mountain climbing metaphor and Florida Dom's suggestion about the kitten. You never know he might surprise you :)

    Glad to hear Mollie enjoyed her party and you got to see LJ in his play.

    Ronnie
    xx

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  7. M:e,
    Even I can't understand all my feeling some of the time. Often that's why I write - to help me get things straight.

    Florida Dom,
    We may not always be on the same page these days. But we are very close to it - we used to not even be in the same book!

    Borrowing a kitten, hmmmmm....

    Paul,
    I think you are right about most marrigaes. I knew you would understand.

    Lessa,
    I like the term old fashion. That is always how pictured Cassie and Tom. It sounds good.

    N-
    We are so lucky to have husbands who are willing to listen to what we need and to try to be what we need. I like what you said 'the benefits of dd far outweight his slight discomfort with discipline.'
    I think that is very true.

    Ronnie,
    I am so very lucky to have Nick. He is willing to try so many things that I suggest. He is exciting in that he comes up with suggestions of his own and we are both interested in helping the other feel comfortable.

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