I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Saturday, August 09, 2008

Telling vanilla's

I thought Todd and Suzy had a very interesting question over as A.S.S. this week. They were asking how many of your vanilla friends know about your spanko side. I had to grin when I read that because it was just a few weeks ago that I outed myself to my best vanilla friend. I can’t say it was exactly my choice – she made me tell!

I have written about Jane before. Eva met here before Eva’s gastric bypass; Jane had had one the year before. She is the friend I wrote about when as a young mother she had to put her child up for adoption 40 years ago. We are very, very close but of course the subject of D/D relationships, erotic spankings – well, let’s just say it never came up.

She knows me better than any other vanilla friend and she was certainly aware that in the past sex was NOT one of my favorite activities. We discussed it often, how I wanted to want it but I just didn’t. Two years ago she was one of the first to comment on the sudden change in me. And she wanted to know what was going on. I would just laugh and shrug. I just couldn’t tell her.

She was also the first to link the change to the internet and my meeting Eva. Occasionally she would ask “Now just exactly how did you and Eva meet?” I would give a vague answer and she would pin me with one of ‘those looks’ – you know how teachers are with their ‘looks’. I would usually get a stupid grin on my face and change the subject.

But about a month ago she called me to go to lunch and said “And I expect to hear the ‘secret’ you have with Eva. Don’t tell me it’s nothing, I ain’t buying it!” I talked to Eva and told her what Jane wanted to know and if she wouldn’t let up, could I tell her. Since Eva knew her too I wanted her permission. Eva told me to go with my gut but she wanted to know everything she said if I did tell her.

We went to lunch about a week later but to my great surprise she did not mention it or ask me one question. I really did not know whether to be relieved or a little disappointed. We headed to our cars and Jane said “Come to my car with me”. I walked her down and she said “Get in.” I just looked at her and she said “No one is going to over hear us. Just get in.”

LOL! I guess the time had come! She started driving around and waited for me to talk. So I started “Listen, it’s nothing really strange you and Dick probably do it to. I have always found it interesting, I never told Nick until two years ago, but I am fascinated by spanking. I am turned on by having Nick spank me.” There it was out.

“You are kidding!” was Jane’s first comment. “Nope” I told her. And I went on to tell her that it was by finding blogs that I met Eva who was just like me as well as the dozen others that I talk to regularly. By this time she was laughing like crazy and peppering me with questions. “With what?” she wanted to know. I told her spanking toys could be found everywhere! Belts, hair brushes, spatulas, slippers – well you guys know how the lists goes on. In fact I told her Eva and I had suspected her as a spanko because of the beautiful shoe horn hanging in there kitchen. She just cackled! Then assured me they only used it for putting on shoes. How boring.

She wanted to know if it hurt – yes. Was Nick surprised when I told him – yes. Are there really more than a handful of people who do this – yes. Did it really improve your sex life – “Duh, Jane” I said “you know the before and after me, what do you think?” I was really enjoying the question and answer session. And she readily admitted how much I had changed and how obviously happy I am now.

We talked a little more about pervertibles (she loved that name BTW). I told her kitchen stores are fantastic for finding toys. And I mentioned 2 in our area that are my particular favorites. When I told her that you could order spanking implements off the net and that there were venders at spanking parties she was absolutely dumbfounded!

We ended our conversation with her telling me that was the most surprising thing I could have told. She was just thrilled for me and my friends. She was happy that we had found something that made us so happy and that we had the nerve to tell our guys and have them go along.

I came home and told Eva all about our talk and we laughed a while. She asked me if I had asked Jane what she had thought ‘the secret’ might have been since she seemed so surprised by what it was. I hadn’t thought of that. I planned to ask her the next time we talked.

That was about a week later. I called her and all I had gotten to say was “Hey, how you doing?” before she said “YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE!” Me?? What did I do?

She proceeded to tell me. She had gone shopping with her sister and cousin. They go to a kitchen supply store where her sister finds the multi-colored spatulas and begins talking about how beautiful they are and how she has to have some. Jane burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter which she can’t explain in any way. She said no lie came to mind (and of course she promised me that she wouldn’t tell anyone) she just had to leave the store until she got hold of herself. Two stores later her cousin picks up some toy she wants to get for her grandchild – something with a paddle. Once again Jane loses it! “Now” she yells at me through her laughter “they both think I am nuts and I can’t tell them any different!” Bless her heart.

That was bad enough but I called her tonight as I began writing this. She is at the beach with her whole family. Earlier in the evening her husband gave gifts to his son and son-in-law – long shoe horns from the golf store. Jane said she was holding it together by biting her tongue and not looking at anyone, until her son takes his and smack his wife’s butt with it! Well there went Jane!! She said she laughed until she cried and then quickly left the room before she peed on herself! “Now my whole family thinks I am nuts” she yelled “and its all your fault!!”

I nearly laughed until I peed! “So your boy is one of us?” I asked. She is still laughing. I asked her if she still felt I had ruined her life. And between giggled she admitted, “Well maybe not but you sure gave me a different way of looking at things!” I bet you can guess what we will be giving each other for Christmas this year!

My suggestion to you all, if you have a vanilla friend you are this close to, out yourself – it has been a blast!

Oh yeah, and what did she think the secret was? What’s your guess? I’ll tell you later.


  1. Anonymous12:37 AM

    What a lovely tale. I don't have any vanilla friends I am 'outed' to but there is one I might possibly confide in. I am glad Jane took it so well and enjoyed the conversation.


  2. Anonymous2:53 AM

    Maybe she thought you were having an affair. She would have been half right your are, with Nick..


  3. PK, a delightful story.
    I outed myself to my best friend, I told him that my wife and I really enjoyed spanking, all he said was oh, I knew there was something.
    As far as I know he never told anyone, he died last year.
    Love and warm hugs,

  4. I have a vanilla friend at work I have told. She now reads you and others when she can.

    *hugs and grins*

  5. Hey!!! Do I get to see Jane soon? I wanna hear her laugh!!!

  6. Eliane11:41 AM

    I was with my very good friends last night, one of whom is also kinky and who is the only "r/l" person I've outed myself to. I texted her this morning wondering whether my other friends would be more shocked to find out that I was into spanking, or that I wasn't the one DOING the spanking. Most of them would have a hard time believing I'm in any way submissive! So reading this struck a chord.

  7. PK,

    I nearly spit my beverage on the screen! That story is so funny!

    Hooray for Jane and her open mind.

    I figure she thought you were on (a) anti-depressants, (b) hormone replacement therapy, or (c) something illegal.

    Spankings are just so much simpler.


  8. I told two vanilla friends about my spanko side. My reaction was nothing like yours! Your friend sounds cool!


  9. PK
    Great post. I am still not ready to "out" myself as a spanko. I want to share how great it is with those I am close to --
    I am just not that brave YET :)
    I Gal

  10. I am so glad that went so well for you. :-)

  11. Oh...I have shared with my mom as she is also my friend; however, I would never share the intimate details...she's just happy so long as I am happy :-)

  12. Mina,
    I knew Jane would be openminded about anything that made me happy.

    That was sorta what she was thinking.

    I am sorry you lost this friend because a friend you can confide this in is someone very special. You were lucky to have him. I have a feeling many people would have wondered just what made your and Mel's marriage so very special.

    So as a vanilla what does she think of us?

    You mean you can't hear here from there - open your window!

    Well what did she say? I think many women who are dominant in there jobs and to the world crave our lifestyle as their release.

    Sorry about your screen! LOL! Jane asked about all three. She asked directly about the first two and when I said no she wanted to know what I was smoking!

    I knew Jane would support me in anything. And she did not let me down.

    I Gal,
    It has taken me 2 years to get comfortable enough to tell anyone. I also think turning 50 did something for me. I suddenly care less and less what anything thinks of me.

    I think it is wonderful that you are that close to your mom. It seems that the folks that love us are just glad for us.

    So what did Jane think???
    She did think I might be having an affair - with EVA!! Get a grip!!
    Nothing against my twin, I love her! I always will. But as wonderful as she is, she is in love with Adam like I am in love with Nick and really she is just not my type. LOL!

  13. Not your type? Damn. guess I'm wasting my time here!!! Nice knowin' you. Guess it's best to find out now before I waste anymore time.


    See ya this weekend, twin... and you know what? You're not my type either!! I still can't believe that crossed her mind... you should have said "well yeah, that too" then asked her if she was interested in a threesome.




  14. Love it!!! I think she thought you were swinging! Just like your son asked about!!!! :-)
    I did tell my closest friend! She was interested, and has tried a little herself some light playful spanks. She has a dogging bat at home (allegedly for her dog and horses!! How weird is that!!).. but she always lays it out for my husband and I when we come! We would never use it there, but she is obviously supportive!!! BTW her husband also knows and so there is some fun teasing of me that goes on when I'm there. (of course it isn't obvious to the 7 kids that are all of ours there!)


  15. Glad you are still coming Twin, I would have missed you. I told you we already ruined Jane's life do you want me to blow her mind??

    That was my thought too but she said she knew me too well to think I would ever be with another man. But she thought another woman?? Would that have been better? Who knew??

    Sounds like you have a lot of fun teasing with yuur friends!

  16. Anonymous11:05 PM

    I think that is great PK that she took it so well.. I always wonder how many of my friends probably think I am in to something, but aren't quite sure what. I am not quite daring enough to tell anyone yet though.

    Oh, thanks for answering the question about the chicken broth. :)

  17. Anon,
    It made me happy she took it so well and with such humor. I was pretty sure she was.

    Have you made the chicken pot pie yet? Let me know. You might want to make up a name to use - just so I'll know it's you.

  18. I guess I'm behind in the commenting!

    I know I already heard this story, but it makes me laugh reading it again!

    Good job outing yourself!

    I can totally see you and Eva hooking up. You two make a great looking couple...LMAO


  19. You are one brave lady. I may change my mind in the future, but right now I don't think I could ever out myself to anyone in r/l, even though it would be nice to have someone to confide in. It would just make me too nervous. I'm happy that it worked out so well for you. I'm surprised that she didn't think that you were swingers. That would have been my first thought about 2 couples who met on line.

  20. Grace,
    Now there is no doubt that we would make a great LOOKING couple!

    It did take that much bravery with Jane. I actually know some stories on her that would be much more embarrassing!

  21. You're friend is way too smart. She put the time line together nicely... and just needed the blank filled in. Would *love* to know what her guesses were!

    Todd and Suzy

  22. PK - What a great story! You're so lucky to have a close friend you can confide in.


  23. Recently, Mr. Smith and I spent an evening with another couple. The couple had purchased a book called "If" that contained lots of relationship questions. We made a game out of the questions. One person would pick a question at random, then we'd go around the table answering.

    The question I outed myself had to do with being able to explain something about your sexuality you don't understand. I honestly answered "I wish I could understand why I have such a strong need to go over someone's knee."

    The reaction was a knowing smile from Mr. Smith and nothing from the couple. Either I shocked them or they thought I was joking.

    How wonderful that you have a friend you can share this with. You two are my heroes!

    And wow! Terps told her mom!! Awesome!!!


  24. Great story! I was laughing the whole time. However, I'm still doubt I will ever out myself!

  25. I'm still catching up on my reading after an internet-challenged vacation, so I'm a little late to comment. I really loved this entry-- so funny and such a great testament to the importance of really good friends. I moved around a fair amount in my early adulthood, so I have very close friends in a number of cities. I've been telling them about my newfound interest as I see them, including two more on this recent vacation. They've all been good about it, some even wildly encouraging, as they're so happy to see me getting out a little bit.

    I don't know about family, though. Strangely enough, I think I could tell my dad before my mom. If they find out, they find out, but I don't think I'll tell them.

    Thanks again for that great story!

  26. Cowgirl,
    You just never know! I would never have imagioned it 2 year ago!

    I am much more aware of the differnece between acquaintances and true trust-em-with-your-life friends. I am so glad to have the ones I have!