Just what do we tell our daughters? Mollie has seen a change in our marriage over the past two years. She can see and sense that Nick and I are closer now. We talk more, we do things together now, I consult him about things where I used to just do my own thing and assume it was fine with him. I never really thought about it.
Often Mollie seems half-amused, half-exasperated with us. We get the occasional gagging noise when we kiss or hug. If we happen to go together to take her somewhere or pick her us she always asked “Why are both of you going?” When we answer, “We just wanted to spend so time together” we get the exaggerated eye roll.
What really has her bewildered these days is when Nick will say to me “You have to go to the gym today” or “You can get on the computer after you put away the laundry” or “No snacking in your chair.” Even if it annoys me a little at times, I really like it because I feel so noticed and cared for. How do I explain this to Mollie?
For myself I love the aspects of DD in our marriage. I would like a little more at times but I can’t suggest this for my daughter. I have no reason to think she is a spanko. I have no idea, but I don’t think so. I want my daughter to be strong and independent, to think for herself and not to allow anyone, man or woman, to tell her what to do. That statement doesn’t sound much like a spanko does it? I have to feel this because I have no idea what kind of yahoo might turn her head in the next 10 years or so. I have no doubt that since she has a good head on her shoulders she will someday end up with a man as fine as her father. Let’s face it, though, before we find Prince Charming we have to wade through many frogs!
Now days I occasionally get “Mom, why are you letting Daddy tell you what to do?” I am not sure she wants to hear the real answer yet. The real answer is “I have known this man for 27 years. I have had decades to learn how intelligent, loyal, kind, thoughtful and loving he is.
I have gone through gaining my independence and fighting all my battles alone and I have come to a point in my life where I can trust this man I love to care for me, to relieve me of many of my burdens and make me feel safe. Because of this we have grown even closer and more in love that ever. We still decide important matters together as we always have but now I just feel more loved and protected because I realize he is there and I can turn to him. He won’t let me get down on myself or overwhelmed with the petty problems in life. He has ways now of focusing me on what is important in life – him, me, and our relationship.
I am not ready to say all of this to Mollie and she certainly doesn’t want to hear it. So when she asks I just shrug and say “Dad’s head of the household." She usually answers “Whatever, but I’ll tell you – no man is going to tell me what to do!” An excellent answer for a 15 year old girl! If she would like to revisit the discussion after she has been happily married for many years, I hope she brings it up.