I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, April 06, 2020

Have you experienced this?

I got all my tests back from the heart monitor, the echocardiogram and the heart catheterization. Basically, all is well. The monitor showed minor problems, actually it only showed up once during the two week test. The put me on a low dose of a common heart regulating drug and according to my watch it’s working nicely. It’s the same drug Nick takes for his A-fib, although my problem isn’t A-fib. But Mollie thinks it’s precious that we have the same prescription. It doesn’t take much for her to say we’re precious. Grrr…

Nick’s work finally laid him off. I feel safer in one way. And I’m truly glad he won’t be going out. Although even loving couples forced to spend 24/7 together for an indefinite period of time could hold some dangers. Thankfully, we really do get along well. 


 TTWD is definitely helping. Yes it’s popping up more and my choice to have no expectations is working well. But I do have a question and I hope some of you might know the answer. When we began obviously it was new and exciting, a honeymoon period you might say. I understand that mentally and emotionally it was so exciting and new that I loved everything about it. But over the fourteen years we’ve been doing this, the physically change has surprised me.

When we began I was begging for more and harder. I could take ANYTHING he could dish out. Belt, paddle, strap – I could take it! Once I even told him he hit like a girl in an attempt to get him to put more muscle behind it. He worried, at the time that I wanted that more and harder. He was worried he could really hurt me. But it never did. I loved it! But I can’t take it now. I feel like I’ve become a spanking wimp, and I don’t like it.


 I know I’m older, but I don’t think that’s it. Although I’ve still never used my safe word, he can tell by my body language – plus simply what I’ve told him, that I just can’t do it. I know a lot in mental/emotional. It’s how I react to the whole situation now. I could take the pain, the hard spanking, if it was for something real, without problem. But as part of the game – without the feeling of reality behind it, it’s just pain. And I don’t like it.

Have any of you experienced this change? Is it just old age creeping in? Anyway, everyone stay safe.

8 comments:

  1. Yes and no... or kind of. So helpful, right?

    I would say the biggest phase for this was after giving birth. That just hurt SO so much, it kind of broke any desire or willingness I had to have him hurt me. Fortunately, seeing me in that much pain kind of put him off it too. And that took me years and years to come back from, and I don’t think I really ever got back until I started on antidepressants... even though I hadn’t really considered myself depressed.

    But beyond that extended period, I would say it really does vary for me based on what’s going on. Sometimes it’s exactly what I need, but other times I just hate every minute of it and I’m resentful that we’re doing it.

    We’ve had to have some conversations about changing his approach to fun spankings, because sometimes it just feels too punitive, and I just get angry and stressed. Which is confusing for both of us, because there have been times where I like that rough handling even in play.

    I’m rarely a full on masochist though anyway... I usually need a REALLY good warmup to enjoy a spanking, especially a hard spanking. Even when I’m into it, if it’s too harsh I really don’t enjoy it as it’s happening... but then as soon as it stops I know it wasn’t enough.

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    1. My kids were half grown when we began so it was different for me. I could only 'take it' when I thought it was going to be something different.

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  2. Hi PK, thank you for sharing your test results, I have been wondering and worried about you. I'm so glad the doctors are on top of things.

    I'm sorry Nick has been laid off. A definite double edge sword at the moment!

    As for your question. I definitely think we lost tolerance to spanking the more we do without it. After such a long absence I know I definitely can't take what I used to. I too could take a lot more from a spanking with purpose.

    As we know, the reason for the spanking and emotions involved play such a big part and fun/erotic spankings, while they definitely have their place, do not have that same level of emotion and mindset behind them.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I see this as a practice for Nick's retirement. He hates to have nothing to do - I've worried he couldn't stand retirement. I guess this will tell him.

      As I've thought about it I realize I can take 'discipline' but not nearly as much when it's just fun or erotic.

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  3. Hey PK,

    I would love to take part in this conversation, but all I can comment on is, glad your results are ok, yes Mollie is right, it is precious, yes it is a double edge sword with Nick being laid off, but I am glad you are safe.

    Hugs
    (a very grumpy) Boo

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    1. Glad you came by, grumpy or not! The lay off is okay as long as I can have time to write.

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  4. I have always been a wimp :-) Truly, my hubby never has offered me any more that a little taste in play so I don't honestly know how much I could really handle...only that I am always left wanting more...I am greedy that way - but always appreciative of every love tap...it has been a long time since... I can say there are certain times that I crave/need/desire spankings more and similarly times where it is felt more as pain/pleasure - thinking it has to do with my cycles... Glad you are okay... Hugs

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    1. I wish all this wasn't 'taboo' in normal society. There should be studies!

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