Yelling at your beloved husband

Can it ever be a good idea to yell at your husband? The answer is – yes! Now let me explain.

I’ve often said out here, that Nick and I don’t fight. And that is the gospel truth. That not always a good thing and I’ve realized that over the years. But it works for us. We’re usually on the same page, we’re both laid back people and we generally decide things without the need to sink to a screaming match.

But the thing he does that makes me the maddest is snapping/shouting at me. Granted it happens rarely, no more than once or twice a year, but maybe that’s why they stand out so much to me.

This past weekend we’d taken down the window treatment to do some painting, well Nick was doing some painting. When he got ready to put them back he needed some help. No problem! I came in and we maneuvered the frame around and with great care I stepped up onto the step ladder – this has become more tricky for me. I feel a little unsteady and a tiny bit fearful since my hands were full and I couldn’t use them to steady myself.

He was up on his own ladder looking at the apparatus and seeing how it was supposed to go back up. The he turned to me and said something like. 

“Clip it onto the smaller clip first then tilt it back and latch it onto the larger clip before snapping it in.” 

Huh?

I didn’t see anything that even looked like a clip to me. And I had no clue what he was talking about, so I told him.

“I  have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

  

We’re approximately three feet apart. He raised his voice about two decibels, and shouting, repeats himself. 

Pissed me off in a flash! He could have showed me what he needed me to do before we’d ever gotten up there. He could have described what I was supposed to be looking for, he could have done a number of things besides shouting at me.

In the past I would have shut up, shut down and nursed this hurt for days. I would have spoken only when spoken to and that’s it. It would have eaten away at me. Yes, it was a silly little thing but I would have made in much bigger in my mind as I picked at it in my head for all those days.

But all that was before TTWD. I’ve said it brought us closer and part the feeling closer is that we’re close enough for me to let him know when I’m mad, without feeling it will drive us apart. 

So I did what the new me was comfortable with – I yelled back, telling him…

“I heard you! But repeating it at a full volume still does not explain what the hell you’re talking about so I still don’t know!”

Man! That felt good! And it was good. He wasn’t really mad, just a bit frustrated, and I realized that. He realized it too and my shouting let him know I didn’t need to be spoken to in that manner and I was not going to simply accept it. With that one short exchange we were fine. He wasn’t mad, I wasn’t mad and we went on to figure out how to get the blinds back up. (Part of the problem could have been that he’d put the brackets back on the wall upside down… but I won’t go there.)

What a joy! One quick shout and I saved both of us a weekend of cold uncomfortable silence. I’m not recommending shouting at one another as a way to solve problems. But for me this has really made a difference in how I handle the few times he snaps at me. How about you? Do you think yelling ever helps?