I’m losing a great neighbor. We’ve lived side by side for thirty-six years. She’s exactly two weeks older than me. I taught her child as she came through middle school. I taught her grandchildren. I just went to the baby shower for her first great-grand child. I sat with her when her daughter unexpectedly died when she was only thirty-two and I helped all I could during her husband’s lingering death from cancer. I hate that she’s now moving, thought I do understand.
Although she’s more fit than anyone I know, the house isn’t the best for anyone planning to grow old there. There is no bedroom or full bath on the ground floor and the yard take enormous upkeep. She wants a small one story home with a nice yard to putter in, but that won’t take up half her life. I get it. I just don’t like it.
But the house just sold and I have to deal with it. And it’s happening fast, she is to be out by July 1st. So I’m asking you all for advice. I want to know how to seem friendly without seeming pushy.
With the exception of my college years I’ve rarely moved. I never moved as a child and we’ve lived here since the day we married. I hope my next home will be the great beyond. So I’ve had little experience with new neighbors.
I’m asking those of you who have moved often, tell me what to do. I want to seem friendly, but not over eager. The way the house is situated, I’m their only real neighbor. Should I …
· Leave them alone the first few day, or go introduce myself?
· Should I bake something and take it over?
· Tell them about the neighborhood, or keep my mouth shut? It's a nice neighborhood, I have no bad stories to share.
· Just wave and leave them be?
· Make them a welcome basket? I'm thinking about this so if I do, what should be in it?
I don't know anything about them and I'm already full of questions. I want to know about how old they are, do they have kids, are they from this general area or from far away. I do know enough not to bombard them with questions, but I am curious.
Go back and think about your last moving day – tell me what you wish the neighbors had done or not done.
PK,
ReplyDeleteTell them they have just moved into Corbin's Bend and make them a gift basket with spanking implements! HA!
Seriously, sorry your neighbor is moving away. I would wave to them on move in day .... maybe talk to them for just a few minutes in the yard and get a feel for them. Then a day or two later, bake something or make them a welcome basket like you said...... just be natural and go with the flow like you often seem to do. I am sure they will come to love being neighbors with you! Hugs, Windy
I hope so. I'm not looking for a best buddy, but I like having a friend next door.
DeleteHi PK, I'm sorry you are losing your neighbour. It sounds like she is doing the right thing for her though.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Windy, wave to them on move day and maybe a quick hello and welcome. I would then give them a few days to settle in then you could maybe invite them for a coffee and chat?
Hugs
Roz
Moving is good for her. I hope she isn't too far away. I'll be sure to talk to them early on.
DeletePK, I like the idea of a welcome basket too. If they are outside, walk over for a minute and chat. You are one of the friendliest people around. I think they will see that right away.
ReplyDeleteI too am losing a great neighbor and just hoping we get someone even half as nice. So I will ask you for advice very soon.
Hugs From Ella
I hope we both get lucky with our new neighbors!
DeleteDear PK,
ReplyDeleteI’ve moved a lot. Seven rentals in seven years when we first got married. Then only twice in the next 43. I don’t know if it’s just New England, but I hardly knew my neighbors until the last two houses we’ve been in. No one ever greeted us. Well, one lady next to our last house came over to yell at us, saying that she hoped we weren’t going to leave all our moving boxes on the curb forever. (We assured her that they were going to the dump right away.) We ended up having a very cordial relationship.
We recently had two new neighbors move in. One new couple just last week. The advice the others gave was perfect. If you’re there the first day, it’s really easy and comfortable to meet them while they’re outside. And you can say that you only want to stay briefly because you know how much they have to do. Ask if they’re new to the area (or find out from your current neighbor). If you decide on a little welcome basket, and they are new in town, you might want to include some brochures to places you like and maybe cookies from a favorite bakery that’s nearby. There’s no “Welcome Wagon” like there was years ago but you can do the same thing they used to do. We always give them our names and phone number and tell them to call if they need help in some way.
Our newest neighbors are young unmarried kids. They seem very nice but we probably don’t have much in common. On the other side is a single man. We’ve always waved or stopped a minute if we’re coming home and the neighbors are out in their yard. It’s friendly but never been close, except in the neighborhood we lived in when the kids were growing up. Unless your new neighbors are your age or go to your church or something, it will never be the same as what you’ve had with your current friend. But, being friendly like you are naturally is all you need to keep it pleasant.
Hope I helped a little.
Rosie Dee
Thanks, Rosie! Some good thoughts here. It will be interesting to know if they are from this town or somewhere across the country. Might change what would be in the basket. I'm expecting them to be younger than us. I'm very curious to know if they'll have kids.
DeleteHi PK, we just had two new families move in . We love them, met them in the street on moving day (one couple and their baby girl moved in one weekend and then another couple and their toddler son the next). I love seeing the littlies , we have given the little girl our grand's trike and have been invited to her first birthday party. The other little boy chatters away as he bounces nonstop on his trampoline. Just be your lovely self and you will soon be friends.Hope you and Nick are well
ReplyDeleteLove Jan.xx
Thanks, Jan and yes, Nick and I are very well. Part of me would like to see some little ones over there. But we'll have to be much more careful about locking up our pool!
DeleteYou will get acquainted, but the best way is to be deliberate about it, and the sooner, the better. Wave. Make certain that they know that you are a living neighbor. Invite them over or invite yourself in just to say "Hi." but you must get acquainted. You cannot be a neighbor who does not know your neighbor.
ReplyDeleteA family moved across from us three years ago. I took a box of donuts and spoke with the father (of 4 kids). I've since put two notes in their mail box with out phone numbers and asking for theirs. Nothing, no response. We really can't see them to 'wave' and I've never seen the wife, though I think they have had another baby. Very strange. This house is much closer and I want to at least be 'yard friends.'
DeleteHi PK ... lots of good suggestions here which I can't top ... I can only offer my slightly humorous past experience in greeting new neighbours. We were young, living in our first house, neither of us particularly social in the neighbourhood. Our next door neighbours had moved out and the new people were supposed to move in imminently. I had resolved to turn over a new leaf and be a welcoming neighbour. I was outside in our backyard and heard movement next door. I hoisted myself up to look over our fence and called out a greeting to the gentleman puttering around the house in the backyard ... "Hi! I'm your neighbour, Nora Jean. My hubby Frank and I would like to welcome you to the neighbourhood!" ... to which he replied ... "Nice to meet you ... but I'm the cable guy" ... lol! ... yes, a true story and one that I think of every time a neighbour leaves or moves into our neighbourhood ...
ReplyDeleteYou will figure out what works for you, I am sure ... However, I'm sorry you are losing a dear friend and neighbour ... I hope the new folks fit right in! ... hugs ... nj
LOL! I love your story! I'll be sure to look for a uniform when I first go over to say hello.
DeletePK,
ReplyDeleteI always bring flowers and something I have baked when greeting new neighbors. We are quick to have a small cookout so we can get acquainted. However, saying good-bye is most diffiuclt. I have no answers, but thank goodness, for email. Right?
Meredith
I know neighbor and I will stay friends. Flowers and baked good are good ideas. I just hope they are nice.
DeleteHey OK,
ReplyDeleteWe have moved 3 times so far. Our current house has had 3 sets of new neighbours. We do introduce ourselves, but usually wait until they are out and easily accessible using a walk for the dog as our reason for going out. It gives us a reason to be out and a reason for it to be a quick short visit. This way there is no pressure to keep small talk going. A plant is always nice, or maybe some flowers from the garden would never be bad.
It will be fine and they will be lucky you are their neighbour.
Boo
I would like to catch them out on moving day. The way the house is situated you can't 'casually' walk to the back where they will mostly be going in and out. Wish we did have sidewalks, etc.
DeleteI am sorry you are losing such a good neighbor and friend and I hope you are able to stay in touch. We have not had much experience with moving. When we moved to our current home - our first house once married - our neighbors daughter (teenager at the time) brought us cookies and the parents greeted us outside as it was summertime. We are fortunate to have lovely neighbors though we do not see them very often at all. I think any gesture you make will be appreciated, whether a hello, a basket, or cookies... :-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteThis neighbor and I were close, but we never 'went out' and did things. But we'd borrow sugar or occasionally mow one another yard if something was keeping the other from doing it. Once she came and got Nick to get a snake out of her garage.
Delete