Tuesday, November 17, 2015

We have a little problem

Yes, we have a little problem. It’s not Nick and me we’re just fine. I’m working on getting rid of this last bit of the cold – the lingering cough, but that’s not the problem.  Nick has managed to keep a bit of spanking in our lives and that’s fun. Monday night he told me he was at the grocery store and saw a little something he couldn’t resist…

So with all this good stuff going on what is the problem? Our problem is our greatest blessing – Mollie.

Mollie really doesn’t like staying at her apartment all weekend alone when her roommate goes off. It was different when she was at college there was always someone around, something to do, now not so much. I would never tell my daughter she can’t come home when she is facing a lonely weekend – but to tell you the truth she is cutting into our kinky fun time. We’ve had a couple of interesting Saturday afternoons planned that changed because had company.

I love spending time alone, I always have. I stayed alone for the first time when I was sixteen and it was great. I lived alone for six years before I married and that was wonderful too. And while I love Nick to death, I never mind him heading off for a short golf weekend. Then again when I was talking about this to a blogging friend once she made the comment, “But you’ve never been alone, you have tons of people living in your head.” I guess that’s true between being an avid reader and daydreamer I guess I’ve always had friends around.  

But Mollie doesn’t like to read and had already adamantly declared she will never write a book. She still hasn't found friends  her age in her new town. She seems a little embarrassed to come home on the weekends but they seem like long lonely days to her and she ends up here.

Suggestion? I don’t think I could ever tell either of my children that they cannot come home if they’re lonely, but we’d like a weekend to ourselves too.

Written by PK at 6:30 PM



At 1:50 AM, Blogger Cat said...

I do understand what you're saying PK...you feel your child needs you. The problem, as I see it, is that Mollie is not going to be able to find new friends if she doesn't stay in her new town over the weekend and participate in activities. Has she reached out to any of the other teachers her age at the school? Possibly join a church that has a young adults social group. Maybe volunteer somewhere...all kinds of shelters (animal, homeless, women) are always looking for volunteers. Maybe take a class at a local community center. Those are the only suggestions I have off the top of my head. I'm sure the awesome group of people we have here in blogland will come up with some others. Good luck!

Hugs and blessings...Cat

At 3:24 AM, Blogger Roz said...

Hi PK, just wanted to pop in and say hi and that I'm sorry I haven't visited much lately. I have been awol for a while and just now catching up with some blog friends.

I too understand your dilemma. Some wonderful suggestions from Cat, I can't think of any others I can add. I really hope Mollie makes some connections and friendships soon. I'm sure she will, it just takes a little time.


At 7:14 AM, Blogger Ella said...

Mollie sounds like a bright and sensible young woman. I don't see why you cannot gently say that Mom and Dad need some alone weekends. That you are enjoying just being a couple again. And don't feel guilty about it. It's really important that you and Nick have that time.

Perhaps set it up so that she visits every other weekend or every 3rd or 4th weekend. She could always come just for dinner, too. Or suggest that the 2 of you meet for lunch somewhere on Saturday. Certainly over Christmas Break, invite her to come for a few days. This is probably going to be harder on you than Mollie.


At 8:11 AM, Blogger Florida Dom said...

Cat said it very well. She needs to find activities where she lives and cut the cord to her parents. Maybe you could suggest to her that she try some online dating to help her social life. She's so good looking that if she posts a photo, she'd have more replies than she can count.


At 9:38 AM, Blogger DelFonte said...

I met most of my friends when I moved to a new area by volunteering for charities etc. I also attend a local church, though I'm not a church goer. I think Ella's idea of suggesting she come every couple of weeks would help divert her away from home.

At 10:40 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

Some wonderful suggestions already. I offer a hug of understanding - though I am far from being there myself I know the time will come and I know the strength of the bonds of children and our desire to be there for them while still trying to balance our own needs. :-)

At 11:20 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

Totally understand what you are saying and yes Mollie wont find any friends if she is coming home weekends.Think Cat has some good suggestions but difficult at weekends as night classes wont be available. Volunteering would be an option.


At 12:29 PM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Oh Dear PK, I have absolutely no ideas what to suggest for Mollie. To be honest I think Cat has had great ideas, I don't know how you can say to her not to come home though, that's really hard. If she is worried about making friends then give her everyone's ideas if she just wants to come home then I reckon you are stuck Bless her, she has my sympathy, how hard it is to make friends in this age of the internet
love Jan,xx.

At 7:05 PM, Blogger PK said...

These are all good possibilities and I've mentioned many of these to her. But I'm only mom and I'm not sure how much she's listening. It may be time for another email - a way to give a motherly push without having to see the eye roll!

At 7:14 PM, Blogger PK said...

You have been on my mind Roz. So glad to see you here. I'm going to make a few suggestions to her. The election is gearing up and volunteering could be a way to meet some like minded people.

At 7:18 PM, Blogger PK said...

It is hard on me. I can't imagine my folks ever telling me not to come over. But I'm going to work on it and Nick and I might take a weekend away.

At 7:20 PM, Blogger PK said...

FD I like the idea and at the same time it terrifies me. I just wish she and her friends had more parties and get togethers so she could meet someone in person.

At 7:22 PM, Blogger PK said...

I don't think she would mind trying a new church in the area, but it's hard for her to walk into a strange place alone. But I will mentions some of these suggestions again.

At 7:25 PM, Blogger PK said...

Yeah can you even see yourself telling one of your kids they couldn't come home for a weekend if they wanted to? Ugg… it's hard.

At 7:26 PM, Blogger PK said...

I can suggest - but will she try any? We'll see.

At 7:29 PM, Blogger PK said...

She is beautiful (and not just because I'm mom) I just wish she was out with others her age more. She is lousy at flirting.

At 8:38 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

Ah we are having opposite problems lately. My daughter has barely been home. I am missing her soo much. I'm sure it seems long because my guy has now been gone...almost 3 months.
I think she needs you right now and will eventually find her confidence to venture out. The more we push.... The more they resist.
I would find time for afternoon delight!.... Or morning.... Eh you get the picture!

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Ami Starsong said...

My advice could be the opposite from everyone else as our daughter ended up being so unhappy away at her Uni that she just ended up catching a train home one day, in the clothes she had got up in, no money or anything, and saying she was through.

It took a lot of love and lots of hard work to find her another Uni nearer to home - and she then travelled every day. But she was so much happier, and indeed the time we manage to hang on to our children is so very precious. Now she is a wife and mother herself, she is so busy with both work, husband and kids that we don't see her half as much as we would like to.

Mollie sounds so delightful. Keep her while you can. I am sure that as far as your 'weekends' are concerned, you can be very inventive. (Smug grin here).

She will 'fly' before you even realise it, and then you will become "Darby and Joan" like us.

Many hugs

At 9:32 PM, Blogger PK said...

It seems it's either feast or famine. I only get to see LJ twice a year. Maybe it will all settle out someday.

At 9:33 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Ami, I like hearing both sides. I feel Mollie is pretty well adjusted in her new apartment and job, just bored on the weekends and I wish she could find friends her age!

At 4:26 AM, Blogger lindy thomas said...

I agree with Ami, make the most of the time you have with Mollie whilst she wants her Mum. They soon become independent and don't want to see you. We had a revolving door with our kids, they no sooner left home and then came back to live on and off. Eventually we decided the only alone time we would get was a romantic get -aways on weekends Bear wasn't working. Sure made us appreciate those times alone.
Good luck I hope you can sort this all out happily on all accounts.
Hugs Lindy


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