I haven’t been posting too much lately and several of you have emailed asking if everything’s okay. The answer is yes, everything’s fine. But as far as TTWD, I don’t think we do anymore. I’m aware this could change, we’ve often gone back and forth, but nothing is going to happen until one of us addresses this huge elephant in the room and as far as I know the elephant is invisible to Nick. It’s my place to say something, I’m the one who called a halt to our Fridays, I could ask him to start back, but I’m not sure I have another rally in me.
Neither of us is mad. We’re back to being the best roommates in the world. We speak nicely, we laugh, we cuddle in bed – but we don’t talk, we don’t seem to have any interest in what the other is thinking or feeling. It’s roommates all the way.
I can’t blame Nick – he’s a man, talking, discussing feelings is not something he’s good at. He never has been and honestly I’m not great at in myself unless I have a keyboard to go through. It can be a tedious way to communicate.
I want the closeness we had when I first came out. I want that excitement of looking at one another in a crowed and grinning – knowing we had a special secret shared only between us. I want the sexual desires I had then. I want the hope and excitement for what could come.
I also want to be left alone and not have to try to explain myself. It’s much easier being roommates.
Geeze this sounds depressing – and I’m not depressed. I’m fine, not wildly happy, but just fine.