Tuesday, July 06, 2010

We need to talk

*Blogger seem to be doing better this evening. It is posting the comments but it still says I only have one when several of you have stopped by. If you have the time check out the comments. People have left good ones. And please feel free to leave one of your own.*

I’ve been blogging almost 4 years now. Finding the blogging world has been a life changing experience for me to say the least. Nick would agree. Blogging and all I found with it transformed our marriage from a couple of roommates to lovers. That would have been enough but it also gave me the best friends I have now.

When I arrived it was like moving into a wonderful community of fun and funny people – all who enjoyed TTWD and treated me like a long lost friend. I had never, and still have never, met such welcoming, smart, supportive people in all my life. I loved nothing better than getting up in the morning and talking and visiting with these wonderful neighbors. We laughed at each other, teased each other, sent virtual pillow to each other when they were needed. We talked of kids, spouses, parents and jobs right along with our joys and frustration about spanking.

But as with any real community some move away and new people move in. Relationships change and instead of going with the flow as some of my older friends left, I stayed more and more to myself. There are a few of the wonderful folks I first met that are still out here blogging but I’ve still felt lonely because of the changes. I’ve made a few good friends from the newer people but there are so many wonderful new people that I haven't bothered to get to know that I feel I’ve not really been a good neighbor. There were a few - and I mean very few - who were unkind and hurt my feelings. Why is it, I wonder, that you can be surrounded by warm, caring supportive people yet the few that would go out of their way to be unkind are the ones you really listen to. Those are the comments or the emails that keep you up at night because I believe it's human nature to believe those that say the worst about us. I think it was someone hurting my feelings that temporally stopped me from reaching out to other bloggers and making new friends as much as I have in the past. I say temporally because I am not going to let anyone have that power over me ever again.


Of course part of the problem is time. There are way too many new neighbors to get to meet them all. No one has the time to read and comment on all the new wonderful blogs out here. But I could really be doing a much better job. There are people I often read but I haven’t even bothered to put them on my blog roll. There are people on my blog roll that are no longer active and I guess I need to remove them. I read great blogs but I don’t always comment. I even wrote a post not too long ago that had some good advice of how to get readers and commenters. I think I need to go back and take my own advice. I feel left out but I know I am the one leaving me out, not others. So I’m going to try to do better. You’ll see a change in my blog roll and if by chance I take you off and you would still like to be on it just let me know. I’m going to try to comment more and hopefully more people will talk to me here.

To sum up I guess I am asking that if you are willing to be part of this wonderful, supportive, non-judgmental community that I know we really are - find blogs that you feel are saying something to you and offer your comment as support. Whether you are a fellow blogger, a reader or even a lurker we need your support.

I hope to be talking soon.

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Written by PK at 12:05 AM

16 comments

16 Comments:

At 6:34 AM, Blogger BabyMan said...

There are so many blogs vying for attention that it is hard keep up with all of them. You start scanning their contents (especially the longer posts), not leaving comments and then, all of a sudden, some leave (new ones come) and you find yourself feeling "alone" among a bunch of "people". That's the signal to reconnect. Nice observation, thoughtful post. Thanks PK.

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger Not My Original Vows said...

What a wonderful post PK! You spoke volumes to me when you said how the negative comments affect you the most. Unfortunately, among good apples there are always rotten ones, you just have to chuck those out.

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger Meg said...

delurking to say hi! I have enjoyed your blog for a long time and just wanted you to know. Meg

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

Good post PK.

You are right there are so many good bloggers it's hard to keep up with them all.

I'm guilty, because of time I tend to stick to the blogs I know. Take for example BabyMan and SugarAnne, I love their blogs but don't always stop and leave a comment.

Thanks for sharing this thoughtful post with us PK.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Florida Dom said...

PK: Really enjoyed reading this post. I am one of the newcomers to the neighborhood. I stumbled across these blogs a couple of years ago. Not even sure how. Just kept following links. And my first reaction was how the people seemed to know each other and like each other and it was such a nice community.

I was content to watch over the back fence as a lurker until Bonnie pointed out that bloggers like comments so I signed up and started commenting and one thing led to another and a year ago PK convinced me to start a blog. Since the majority of the bloggers are women, I wasn't even sure whether I fit in but PK said they would like a man's point of view and I have to say that everybody couldn't have been more welcoming. And, yes, as the community has grown, it is sometimes harder to make as many comments as you'd like.

But PK, I do hope you try to re-connect more because you always have such good insights.

And just want to add one more thing. I hope the people in this community don't make judgements about each other. Remember, there is no right formula in TTWD. It is whatever works for the couple involved. If your way is different than what somebody else likes to do, don't criticize them. Remember, us TTWD folks aren't in the mainstream to begin with so we need to support each other. And salute the people who are willing to blog and share their lives with the rest of us even if you do things a different way.

For us older folks who grew up before there was an Internet, it is such a treasure to be able to hear other people's stories. When I grew up with these fantasies, I thought I must be a bit strange because I didn't know anybody else felt the same way. Now I know there is a whole community out there. And I am just happy to be a small part of that community.

FD

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger PK said...

Babyman,
So glad you stopped by. I've always enjoyed having friends here and talking to people who like TTWD. I'll be by your place to get to know you guys better too.

Katia,
Why are we all like that? You get a new hair cut and 20 people can tell you you looks great but if one person tell us it looks bad we're going to believe they are the one telling the truth. We have to stop this!

Meg,
You have no idea how much a comment can mean. That's so much to saying hi!

Ronnie,
I often use your blogroll for places to go rather than putting them on mine! How crazy is that? Honest I'm going to do better.

FD,
I'm just so glad you started comment and eventually began blogging. You are a real asset out here with your questions and your Lisa stories.

And I really like what you said about not being judgmental. I read folks that go from women being collared slaves and not allowed to sleep in the bed to women who spank their husbands regularly and everything in between. I don't have to do what they do appreciate them as individuals who are searching for what works for them. I can just encourage them to be happy and if they are willing to share their though with the rest of us.

Thanks everyone for coming by!

 
At 7:09 AM, Anonymous M:e said...

Wonderful post PK. It struck some chords with me too. In the five years or so I have been,some friendships made here have endured right from the beginning, while others have drifted as I or others have changed.

I was told once we cannot expect to make our personal journeys and expect our 'scenery' to stay the same. I've found that to be true.

love and hugs xxx

 
At 9:00 AM, Anonymous abby said...

PK....i have mostly lurked...do respond occasionally....but you have been an inspiration to me..i have just reitred from teaching..HURRAH...i loved it...but ...i am past the half way point in my life...and i have discovered that in charge teachers do also have s submissive side...lol..my Master has been encouraging me to start a blog..so yesterday i put up my first post..some of my courage came from you! abby

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger PK said...

M:e,
I'm afraid it took me a long time to realize the truth in what you've said here. I just happened to fall into blogging at such a wonderful time that I just never wanted to accept that everything changes. I'm getting there now and beginning to enjoy what is instead of missing the past.

Abby,
I am so envious of you being retired!! And I am excited for you as you begin a blog. I think you are really going to love it. But for goodness sake send me the link! If it's public that is, I would love to share this adventure with you. Email if you like elisspeaks@yahoo.com

I'll look forward to reading your posts.

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger Poppy said...

Hi!
I am a newbie too- only a year in but what a year! I have loved it. I enjoyed reading this post because recently I have watched the antics of some people (noone on my roll or that comments on my blog) and felt terrified at what I have joined. You remind me though that most people are wonderful and it matters that we connect with the ones that speak to us. Thank you for writing this.

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Hermione said...

PK - I know by reading the archives that the blogging world is vastly different from the one you entered four years ago. And sometimes it's hard to bond with new people because you've lost so many good friends. Take your time.

You're right; there are just not enough hours in the day to visit and comment on all the great blogs written by like-minded people. All you can do is what you can do.

Hugs,
Hermione

 
At 10:31 PM, Blogger PK said...

Poppy,
I'm so glad you stopped by. I found some things that scared me when I started too. But in most cased I found that even people who were really different from me were mostly just nice people - into different things but pretty nice when you talk to them.

Hermione,
I have to be drug through change kicking and screaming but eventually I get it. Things change and you can sit and be sad about it or you can enjoy where you are at the moment. That's what I'm going for now. You are a bright spot out here.

 
At 12:58 AM, Blogger Caryagal said...

I too have trouble with the changes. I became much more silent, and check less often. I just need to catch up with you and accept things change. Someday..... Yet some friends stay through the changes and I cherish that. And always will. Say hi to those u visit this week for me.
Love, Carye

 
At 7:25 AM, Anonymous Dev said...

I just stumbled upon your blog. Thoughtful post, I hope to return to find more of them.

dearsinfullyyours.blogspot.com

Dev[r]

 
At 10:11 PM, Blogger PK said...

Dev,
I appreciate your comment. I'll be checking out your site as soon as we get home.

 
At 10:53 PM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

Hi PK...I know I haven't been online...this is the first time in a long time...but you do know I think of you often... :-) Love and hugs and friendship from afar, Terps

 

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