Wednesday, October 23, 2013

An update

A quick update on the situation.

He did show up this morning and met with the principal during morning planning. It ended in a shouting match and Mr. K was told to go home – he didn’t, and was ‘escorted’ from the building. His main beef today was that we wouldn’t listen to him and use the seating chart he wants to use for our field trip next month. We’re using the one the bus company sent us! Mr. K says they sent the wrong one. His chart has only 44 seats and we’ve contracted for 2 buses with 56 seats each. Sigh… I have no idea where all this will end.

Nothing on topic, just griping about work again.

There’s something going on at work these days. I’m in a four-person team.  Megan and I get along great, a new woman joined us this year and I really like her. And then, of course, there’s Mr. K. He is rude, arrogant, bossy – he’s always right and never shuts up.

Things are getting worse. Last week he was so rude to the principal at a meeting the rest of us were honestly covering our eyes. There was a private meeting between them later and Mr. K left. I don’t know if he walked out or if he was told to leave. That was Friday. Monday morning he just didn’t show up and had not contacted a sub.

Boss met with the other three of us today. He says Mr. K feels no one likes or respects him. He says no one listens to him. He’s forty, unmarried and has no friend at work or otherwise really. I feel sorry for him – I really do, but he brings it on himself with his total lack of social skills.

Boss feels about the same as we do, but he is asking for our help in making Mr. K feel better. And he is asking for any suggestions we have in how he can change the way he deal with Mr. K. It’s a toughie, they are two alpha males – neither with great social skills (picture thirteen year old boy personalities.)

I know why Mr. K is having a harder time now. In the past, before last year, all his partners were sweet, polite, ladies who allowed him to run all over them. Last year he and Miss T got along pretty well. But now, now… he is teamed with three strong women who basically ignore him and it’s driving him crazy. I may choose to be submissive to Nick when he feels like being dominate, but as I’ve gotten older and more confident I’m pretty much alpha bitch when anyone else tries to tell me what to do.

If he come in tomorrow (and I think he will because, like everyone else, he has to have a job) the boss will meet with him again and then he wants our team to meet with him – sometime soon.  I really don’t know what to say. The man has been irritating me for nearly eleven years now. If we all meet together I know he will feel ganged up on. I plan to begin by giving him a chance to tell things that I do that bugs him. That seems only fair if I’m going to address some of his shortcomings.

This year especially, I have wonderful students – ninety of them. I really love them all. I like ninety-five percent of the factuality. But Mr. K, poor Mr. K, I just don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ll be polite and I’ll be professional, I will not tell him what to do or how to run his class – but if he thinks for one minute he can get away with rudeness, or trying to tell me what to do… all I can say is, heaven help him if he tries.

Written by PK at 7:30 AM



At 4:41 AM, Blogger Roz said...

Hey PK,

Gosh, that is a toughie. I guess you never know what could be going on for him personally which may cause him to act that way. He may for some reason be having a difficult time adjusting to the new team.

I hope the meeting goes ok. Happy to hear you get on well with the rest of the team and that you have such wonderful students.


At 7:58 AM, Blogger Paul said...

remember, we are all human, give the guy a break.
Love and warm hugs,

At 8:44 AM, Blogger Florida Dom said...

Paul is a good guy but I disagree you should give him a break. He needs to grow up and you shouldn't put up with him irritating you. You can give him his say but then you need to set boundaries for him. It's unfortunate you have to deal with this when you have a good group of students. Only takes one bad apple. What K really needs is therapy.


At 10:32 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

He seems quite insecure. I think you all need to sit down and talk this through. It needs sorting as not good for the children. There must be atmosphere around the school.


At 10:51 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith aka Sunny Girl said...

One question, what is his stature? If he's been there for 11 years and he hasn't changed I'm not sure anything you can or will say will make a difference. Knowing you, I am sure you have made your feelings known over the years so knows what to expect from you.

Listening to his bit**es would be fair though. He's the one that has to make the changes because he is the one that's out of sync with everyone else.

At 3:11 PM, Blogger Cat said...

Hey Elis...Sorry you are facing such a tough day. :(

Hmmm…Mr. K feels no one likes, respects or listens to him? Riiiight...Can we say manipulative passive/aggressive? As much as I love my mother, that sounds exactly like something she would do/say. He was asked in to the principals office due to his disrespectful behavior to the principal and has now turned it all around so that he is the 'victim' and all you meanies pick on him. His bad behavior is suddenly not the issue...poor baby needs to feel better so it is now everyone's problem to make him 'feel better' and still no consequences for his bad behavior.

Sending lots of positive energy your way to get through this.

Hugs and Blessings,

At 3:29 PM, Blogger Katie said...

Hi PK,

Sounds like a very tough situation. Seems as though you got some great suggestions above! :) I think what Cat said is very interesting and true as well.

If Mr K has been at it for 11 years, then change will not come easily to him. Perhaps your way to stress his need to change should be approached in terms of the importance of teaching these kids with a team that works well together and gives off positive vibes as they do so. Get him to spill his troubles, and you all can try to give him constructive ways to improve. Geez! It should be the kids that you all are working on vs a teaching team member!

I am glad that you have a great group of kids this year! Many hugs and hope things improve soon!

<3 Katie

At 5:28 PM, Blogger Janey said...

It would probably do him good to learn from his mistakes and start again elsewhere. However, we don't all do what we know we should!

At 6:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well it does sound as if he cares somewhat, how he is viewed by his peers. So rather than gang up on him and point out all his faults. Tell him when he talks like..... you perceive it as rude and unprofessional. If he would like to be part of the TEAM then you would welcome his input and suggestions and he should do the same for all of you. You won't tell him how to run his class, but you all have to work together and for him to expect you all to just roll over and do whatever he says, is a slap in the face and he is not acknowledging your all's dedication and years of experience. Good Luck. The key is don't put him on the defensive right away or make it a bitch session. Open a dialogue.

At 7:11 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

I know much of his problems come from his father, who is just like him. I know he feel like we don't listen to him or respect him and sadly he's right. But after a decade of him I don't have much left.

At 7:12 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

I feel really bad that I don't have more compassion for him, but he's worn me out.

At 7:13 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

He needs it badly - he does need someone to listen to him, but the therapist would never get a word in edgewise.

At 7:14 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

That's the problem, you cannot talk to him. Only he can talk in a conversation - he feels the one who talks loudest and longest wins.

At 7:15 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

He won't - maybe can't, change. Things went from bad to worse today.

At 7:16 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

I think all that change after the two of them met again today. NOT pretty! I appreciate the positive energy.

At 7:17 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

We really have tried to help him over the years - quietly and kindly, suggestion, you name it. NOTHING has taken.

At 7:34 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

I think his only hope is a fresh start somewhere else. It may be that he has no other choice.

At 7:37 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

You have some good ideas here, honest we have tried most everything we can think of - being very professional, being friendly, being kind and occasionally coming at him like a mother. We obviously haven't hit the right formula yet.

At 9:32 PM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

I am sorry that this ongoing problem has yet to find a peaceful resolution. How frustrating that the focus at the moment has to be on trying to make all the members of the team happy and able to work as a unit rather than on the kids as it should be. It sounds as thought you have shown understanding and compassion through the years and have tried your best to help him and all work together. Perhaps he has some feelings he has not dealt with that change is not possible for him right now. but it should not be at the compromise of the students ability to be educated in a positive and warm environment. Maybe the best solution is in fact him learning the hard way and realizing that in order to receive respect you need to give respect. I hope that resolution comes soon. Thinking of you and sending hugs.

At 10:47 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

I hope there is some way to resolve this soon. It's gone from Hmmm... to WTF! really fast.

At 8:20 AM, Blogger Paul said...

I hope that things get sorted soon, for everybody's sake.
Love and warm hugs,

At 10:28 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

I know that you tried kindness and understanding first. Hopefully he can find a way to begin being positive. It is difficult when someone feels they are the victim, because often they stop listening to what is actually said. I feel bad for him too. I am sure he is so lonely when he goes home....


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