Fantasy Friday, pre-empted for THE WEDDING!

Since I didn’t have a new story for Fantasy Friday I thought I’d pre-empty it just this once. If I only do that when one of my children marries we shouldn’t miss too many stories.

The wedding was New York casual chic. Not to be mistaken for southern country casual – where we sit around barefoot, drinking ice tea and gossiping about the neighbors, no this had a different feel to it all together. All these beautiful people seemed right at home in the West Village.

While I never had any qualms about LJ and Colin marrying, I had great fears of them planning a wedding. I mean, come on – two boys, they hadn’t been planning pretend wedding since they were five. Some things just need a woman’s touch. Thank heavens for Franny and Erin! LJ, Franny and Erin all met at seventeen while attending Governor’s school. These lovely ladies did the planning and kept the guys on track for what needed to be done. With them at the helm everything flowed smoothly while nothing felt staged or regimented.

Colin had worked for nine months on the playlist and I over heard one of them say, two more songs and then we’ll get married. We headed to one end of the bar where they had decided to hold the ceremony only to realize that only a small few would be able to see. We all heading to the stairs at the other end of the room.

Franny also officiated the wedding – something they had spoken of in jest years ago, but worked out perfectly in real life. The evening felt almost magical as the three of them took their places on the stairs. Franny began by telling a bit of their history, mentioning that many in the room had never know LJ or Colin when they were not together and pointing out that for many attending, the near decade the boys have been together, was the longest relationship any of them had witnessed.

She carried off the ceremony beautifully, with just the right amount of emotion, humor and love. She spoke to the crowd saying, “If anyone here has reason why this couple should not be married – keep it to yourself. You’ve had over nine years to say something, this is not the time.” to the laughing approval of the crowd.

Each of the boys wrote their own vows and they did a beautiful job. Colin won the toss of who would go first and as he pulled out his vows his mother (who may be more southern than I am) said to those around her, “That boy always did love to make a speech.”

His vows were beautiful and he concluded with, “Almost a decade ago I walked out onto a stage in North Carolina and saw your face for the first time. You smiled at me and completely changed my life. And I’m more than honored to still be sharing a stage with you. I love you.”

LJ’s vows said in part, “When I hear people talk about the person they love, they often say they need each other. While I understand what they mean, I never want you to feel that I’m with you because I need you. I need things like food and shelter and medicine. I choose things like art, education and ambitions. I want, and I choose to have you in my life, not because I can’t live without you, but because a life with you is so beautiful I couldn’t pass it up.”

Although I didn’t cry (I was simply too happy), many around me were weeping openly. The whole evening was just perfect. The party continued amidst much laughter, hugging, and story telling. I loved hearing Colin’s mother telling a group, “I finally had to tell Colin he was gay, he wouldn’t ever tell me. I finally just told him, son I know you’re gay, but what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t love you anyway. Now let’s go.” She’s just great.

We all huddled around as they signed the marriage license, many cheering saying, “It’s official.” Others saying, “You’re legal in thirteen states, or is it fifteen.” Yet others saying, “No you’re legal in all fifty states since you married here.” Finally LJ raised his arms in victory asserting, “It’s ambiguous!” and we all cheered.

I’ve never been to a wedding like this, I doubt I’ll ever attend another like it – it was too perfectly suited to LJ and Colin. I’m honored to be the mother and mother-in-law of these two fine men. I have shared their past and am grateful that they are willing to share their future with us. I look forward to the adventure.

Happiness!!

Can you see me grinning?  Do you see me up doing the happy dance?  There are high fives, hugs, kisses and happiness in the PK household these days.

LJ and Colin are getting married!!

I’m so excited! My baby is getting married. I’d had my doubts.  LJ himself had told me he didn’t think he was the marrying type.  Several years ago he had said ‘I’m an individual – I don’t want to be half of anything.’ I told him that I understood and he was not ready to marry.

I told him, ‘That’s fine.  When you feel like you are only half without the other person - that’s when you’ll be ready to get married.’  Over this past year he said he realized he did want to spend the rest of his life with Colin.  No details have been worked out yet.  They are thinking sometime in October or November, maybe.  It will be in New York City for sure – can’t very well do it here in the south.

A brief history for my newer readers, LJ shared with me that he was gay when he was fourteen.  After I got over my fear of AIDS, or that he would be beaten up in school, I was fine.  It was simply the way he was born and I wouldn’t change him for the world! He met Colin when he was sixteen and they have been together ever since, almost eight years now.  Here and here are a couple of posts I’ve written about them over the years.

So if you hear a popping noise and feel a button whizzing by your head, don’t worry, it’s just me!

The 'Lifestyle'

I’m not on topic today guys.  I need to do some ranting and this is where I rant.  Feel free to run if you like.  I wondered if I should have put something different up for Mother’s Day, but then I realized that this is a Mother’s Day post.

I think most of you know that I have two children that I believe to be the two finest children that ever lived.  This rant is on behalf of my son, LJ.  Most of you also know that LJ is gay.  He told me a few days after he turned 14 and now, at 24, he has matured into an absolutely incredible young man.

I also have an 18 year old nephew who is gay.  His parents have not been exactly accepting of this news.  They haven’t thrown him out or anything, but he truly feels unaccepted much of the time.  As someone watching from the outside I see so many things his parents are doing wrong and I see many ways my nephew is making everything worse.  Both sides could behave better.

I took off to campaign at the polls against amendment one here in North Carolina last Tuesday.  Unfortunately the amendment passed, but I’m still glad I tried.  My nephew came and stood with me for a while.  He told me he was going to NYC for a short trip and that he had made arrangements to stay with LJ and his boyfriend Colin.  In the course of the conversation he shared with me something his mother said, it was that, while she accepted that fact that LJ and Colin had a relationship, she didn’t really want her son to be around their ‘lifestyle’.  I remember him saying it, it caught my attention, you know when you hear something that just hits you ‘wrong’.  I wasn’t really mad when I heard it, but the longer I’ve thought about it I’ve begun to do a slow burn.

The lifestyle. Excuse me, the lifestyle?  She wants to talk about my son’s lifestyle?  I can tell her about it.  His lifestyle included graduating from college with honors, and following his dream to move to New York City.  His ‘lifestyle’ includes, working two jobs in addition to auditioning whenever possible and working with his friends to get a fledging theater company off the ground. It included working every single day in April;  taking extra shifts at the coffee house to help cover for a co-worker whose father had died, while at the same time taking over for his supervisor at the park who had gone to pick up the baby he and his wife were adopting from Ethiopia.

His lifestyle includes working, buying groceries, cleaning the apartment, feeding the cats, going out to eat with friends, sending his mom flowers for Mother’s Day, and accompanying one of his best friends to her doctor appointments now that she is eight months pregnant because her husband is working out of town.  And it also includes living with the man he loves. They have been together for nearly eight years now. It hadn’t been Colin’s dream to live in NY, but he gave up his life here and moved there because he knew it was LJ’s dream.  Their lifestyle is just like any of ours, they work, pay bills, pay taxes, live and love. I believe my SIL’s (and many others) image of a ‘gay lifestyle’ has him running around in leather chaps attending orgies.  People need to wake up and see reality.

I love my SIL, we’ve been friends since 1978, since before we met either of our husbands.  But this hurt me.  I’m not say anything about this to her just yet, although I will eventually.  She’s had a rough few years.  We lost her oldest son, a boy we all loved very much, to a drug overdose just after he turned 20. He was five months older than LJ.  He had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and since she’s got drug problems too, my BIL and SIL are raising the child.  You know, maybe it’s not LJ’s lifestyle she needs to protect her son from.

My Son

No spanking or sex today folks. But if you have been around long and consider yourself a friend, please stick around I want to share some things that are very important to me.


Have I mentioned that I have two children? Oh, I have? These two children are my heart and soul. For me parenthood was the only dream I ever had that exceeded my expectations. For any gripes and complains I will ever have about them they are truly prefect in my eyes.

I want to talk about LJ today. I wish I could tell you his name because I really love it. When this child was born, before even while I was pregnant, he captured my heart in such a way that I knew I would never have full ownership of it again. His first smile, his first step, his first words turned me in to putty and I am afraid I’ll never get over it. I thank God that he is truly a good person that he simple always chose to do the right thing because he could have probably gotten away with anything!

He has been gone this year – his freshman year at college has passed and I survived. Until the changes in me this year my surviving his first year away was truly in doubt in my mind. We went to move most of his things back last Friday. I hadn’t seen him since Easter and it is really only when I get back with him that I realize how very much I have missed him. Let me tell you this boy is well on his way to his degree in BS. Now I don’t mean Bachelors of Science I mean true BS!! He is so funny, he is so interesting to talk to, and he is just so much fun to be around!!

Why am I writing today? I want to tell you that my son is in love. What mother really wants to hear that? That some other person, some stranger has your son’s heart. Someone else is as important, more important, than you in his life. Well yes, eventually that is what you want to hear. That is what is supposed to happen. I am grateful that he has chosen a person with integrity, maturity, honesty, talent and a sense of humor – all of the traits one should look for in a person to love.

But there is one other thing I want all my friends to know. LJ is not in love with a lovely young girl. He is in love with a fine young man. LJ shared the fact that he was gay with me a few days after his 14th birthday. I have had a lot of time to become used to the idea. Actually it took very little time. I have always been one to accept what is, is. We talked enough for me to believe that he knew what he was talking about. I was sad at first. There was a bit of mourning for what I had lost, a future daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law for Mollie, and probably grandchildren from my son. But my sadness did not last long.

It didn’t take long to realize that nothing had changed. My son was who he was and always had been. All that had changed was that he trusted me with an important aspect of his life that many parents are not trusted with. He shared with me that he had know he was ‘different’ since he was four that at nine he knew what it was called and that he had spent most of his time between nine and fourteen praying that it wasn’t true. Shortly before coming out to me he had been in church praying ‘to change’ when he felt he received a message, a peace in which he felt totally accepted by God as the person God had created. He has been comfortable with himself ever since.

How does Nick feel about all this? He and I never talked about it until this past fall. As you might imagine this is not the path he would have chosen for his son. But he also accepts the fact that we do not chose our children’s paths. Nick and LJ are comfortable with each other and Collin, LJ partner is welcomed in our home any time. LJ is living in the open all of his friends know from high school, Governs School and college know and totally accept him. He is well like and very popular with men and women alike. He is also out to my family but not Nick’s completely. For one thing he has no desire to burden his grandparents with the news. They would not understand and there is no reason to upset them. Do the other on that side of the family know? Probably, but it is not acknowledged and that’s okay too.

My son is happy. He is healthy. He is pursuing the career of his dreams. And he is in a relationship that has lasted three years. LJ and Collin have hopes and dreams for the future; they may come true they may not. I guess that’s true for any of us. I wanted to share all of this because my son is so important to me. Maybe other parents are struggling with this issue. I would talk with them if they wanted to. I love my son, he is perfect just the way he is. I would not change one thing about him.