A follow up to my whiny post...

Don't forget to come by the Reading Room Wednesday for some questions and answer for Cassie and Lily.

If you read my whiny post, you might want to read the follow up. First, before we talked we participated in a high stakes card game. For those of you who know how to play my strip card game let me say that in this two person game, I got 31 three times. Yes I won, and I got my reward.

Before discarding!

I had asked Nick to read my last post and he did, so he began the conversation. What is it about the spoken word that is so difficult for me? I can talk like crazy out here! Those who have met me in person will tell you I seem to have very little trouble talking with them, about anything. But talking with the man I love about spanking, discipline or anything of that nature makes we feel as if I have a large rock stuck in my throat.

But we did talk and we’ve got a challenge we going to work on at least through Christmas to see how it goes. Of course now I have a bad cold so I’m not feeling my best, but life doesn’t usually wait around for my best schedule. I’m in one of my low periods at the moment. Our talk helped I’m not complete out of the trough yet. Getting over the cold will help.

Two special events will happen here on the blogs later this week – LOL Day is coming and I always enjoy that AND Cassie’s Life will be available! Maybe my cold will be on the way out by then too.

Fantasy Friday - Sweets for the Sweet, but only five

I’m so happy to be able to host another wonderful Fantasy Friday story. I don’t get many stories these days, but please know if you write one, I’ll be happy to post it.

Not long ago I got an email from a reader telling me she enjoyed the Cassie books – no quicker way to my heart. We began emailing back and forth and I realized she hadn’t really found the blogs, so I invited her to New Beginnings. Do you all remember when you found the blogs, like-minded people willing to discuss TTWD, it was a rush. I sure remember, it was fun and exciting and I loved making new friends.

In our emailing she sent me a story from her real life showing that her husband was much like most of ours. I might have suggested it would make a good Fantasy Friday story if she would be willing to let me post it – but you know me, I never push.

I got permission and I asked my new friend, Rosie Dee, to provide me with a short introduction…

I live in the Northeastern part of the US.  Married 48years.  I imagined this lifestyle since I was very young. I Love Lucy was a big influence in my fantasies.  I used to "poke" my husband for a reaction but always just confused him until I finally wrote a note to explain my needs.  Thankfully, he got it. I'm still writing notes (and now showing him PK's blog, too!) I never thought of this story being read by others, but PK bullied me into it.

Now you all know that last part isn’t true, but now we can all enjoy…

Sweets for the Sweet, but only five

_{I've asked my husband's help to keep me on a diet several times through the years.  So, he would ask me, “Are you supposed to be eating that?”  And I would end up mad at him for interfering.  It never worked.  What is wrong with me?  Now, he "helps" me with only one thing regarding my eating.  It’s really my job to do the right thing for my health.} 

 _{I LOVE black licorice.  Specifically, Panda brand.  Sometimes my husband buys me a bar of it at the natural food store.  Only one.} 

Big treat. A while ago, I bought a 7oz. bag and ate a few every day or so.  I was in good control so bought a couple more.  Then one night I ate a half bag.  My sugars were good the next a.m. so, of course, I ate the rest of it.  I felt really bad so I talked with him about it.  I said I needed help with candy.  It is the one thing I seem to overeat.  It calls to me.  I needed something to make me think twice about eating it. 

_{We made a couple rules about candy.  I can’t buy it without first checking with him.  He decided that I could have 5 pieces of my little licorice bites a day (only 1/3 of a serving).  I tried for more but he said no.  He put them in a seven-day pill box so I would have no excuse to eat more.  That worked well for a while.  He would ask how I was doing and I could report that I was only having five pieces a day.  If I ate more than five, there would be a consequence with the bath brush.  Very effective motivation.} 

_{Then there was a sale on 7 oz. bags and I bought several.  I tucked them away and only had one bag out.  I had stopped using the pill box and would just count out five myself.  He wasn't asking about it anymore.  Our agreement was that I would tell him even if I ate one extra piece.  He agreed that one wouldn't be so bad but we didn't want it to get out of control.} 

_{Somehow I found that if two were stuck together, it was easy to count it as one and still only feel a tiny bit guilty.  And, I didn't remember (?) to tell him. Besides he'd said one extra wouldn't be so bad, right?  Then I started having more than six.  After all, the package said a serving was 15 pieces.  Then, one night I opened one of the stashed bags and ate half of it.  I felt awful and knew I should tell him but I just couldn't. I did that four more times (in addition to my five a day).}  

_{Last Friday he asked me out of the blue, "Did you have your licorice today?"} 

_"Uh-huh."

_{"Did you have five?"}

_{"Yup."  I wasn't looking at him.}

_{"Did you have more than five?"}

_{"Why would you ask me that?  I wouldn’t lie to you."}

_{"Well, you could have had six, but that would mean you had five, wouldn't it?"}

_{There was a long pause.  "Huh. Interesting.  You're right I guess."  Like I'd never thought of that.}

_{"So, did you have six?"}

_{"Yes. I think I did."}

_{"Did you have more than that?"}

_{"I might have.  I'm not sure.”}

_{“Well, did you or didn’t you?”}

_{“Well, I think I kind of just grabbed a few and called it five?”}

_{“Do you do that a lot?”}

_{This was in bed in the dark, by the way.}

_{“Sometimes.”}

_{“You are a bad girl.  I’m going to have to think about this.”}

_{“What do you mean?”}

_{“You know exactly what I mean.  We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”}

_{Saturday morning while we were getting ready to go out for the day he said, “By the way, you’re getting a spanking tomorrow night for not telling me the truth when you were supposed to.”}

_{“What?  What are you talking about?”}

_{“You’re supposed to tell me when you have ONE more piece of licorice.  The first time.  How many times have you had more?”}

_{“I don’t know.”}

_{“That many times?”}

_{“I guess.  Maybe.”}

_{“Well, it’s going to end tomorrow.”}

_{“Why tomorrow?”}

_{“We’re going to be home late and we’ll be tired tonight.”  I immediately said I thought it wasn’t fair.  He asked me, “Why not?” I said because we hadn’t talked about it in a long time and he should just let me off this time and I’d be good from now on.} “Yes you will.  But tomorrow is still going to happen.”

_{I pouted and turned away.}

_{“Do you have anything else you want to say?”}

_{“No.  Not right now.  But I’m not happy.”}

_{Well, part of me was happy.  Really happy.  I don’t want another chance, but you know how Cassie hates the ivory brush?  I feel the same way about the bath brush.}

_{We had a nice day.  We talked normally, but it was on my mind all day.  At bed time, I snuggled up to him with my head in his lap and we talked about it with me trying to convince him that he should be lenient and trying to find out how harsh “tomorrow” was going to be.  I asked if it mattered how many I ate.  He said this wasn’t about the licorice or how much I had.  (That’s good because he doesn’t know about the two and a half bags I devoured.  He will when I get the bags out of my stash place tomorrow because there’s a half empty one in there.)  He said it was about deceit.  Well, that made me feel bad.  He said it would be bad.  Between 20 and 40.  He offered to get it over with right then.  I said no because it’s so hard to meekly say yes and roll over, you know?  I still wanted to talk.  My stomach was in knots.  He was sick of talking and wanted to go to sleep.  He finally said, “That’s it.  We’re doing it right now!”}

_{He got out of bed.  Got the brush.  Got back in, rolled me over, smacked about 10 times with his hand and then went to town with that awful brush.  I don’t know how many, but it hurt!  Not quite as bad as I expected, but I certainly didn’t want more!  I stayed there with my embarrassed face in the mattress for several minutes as he stroked my back.  Then I said I was glad it was over.  “I’m glad you love me this much.  And I’m sorry I’m such a pain.”}

_{“You’re not a pain.  I love you too.”  We snuggled.  He was asleep in two minutes.  I stayed up and read for a while.  I felt better.}

These are the stories I love. It's real, her husband is not some brute, but just a man who loves his wife and is willing to help her in the way she needs. Thank you for sharing Rosie Dee and I hope we'll see you around in comments - while you write your next Fantasy Friday story!

If you have a story you're willing to share send it to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Proceed with caution

Here I go again.

Whining.

Pity party.

You might want to bail now, but I have to write or my head will explode.

There are two parts of me that are tangled so tightly they cannot be separated. I’ve tried, they can’t be parted. These two things are my sexuality and my TTWD desires.

I’ve always wanted to be a good wife to Nick. But I’m not sure I ever got there. I was a good mother, still am. But I wanted to be that hot little sex kitten men dream about. I wanted that for Nick, I wanted that for me – I even prayed for it, but it never happened until …

Twenty-three year in to the marriage I took my most terrifying plunge in life and told Nick about my TTWD desires. Yes, I blurted out the secret I’d held onto for forty-nine years. And what happened – everything! For me the clouds parted, the sun shone, the birds sang – heck, I think the angels sang. I remember the folks at school asked what drugs I was taking because you couldn’t have slapped the smile off my face.

During those first two years, our sex life skyrocketed! We love our ‘secret’ it brought us so close.  We’d sneak around from the kids, sometimes to the basement sometimes to my late parents’ home for privacy for both spanking and sex. Also during those first two years I lost forty pounds.

I knew Nick still didn’t embrace the DD lifestyle or understand that I wanted/needed him to take control of a few things. But there was the hope that he would really want to get into it. He read everyone’s posts, he certainly read all mine. He even wrote me a couple of Fantasy Friday stories. But eleven years have passed. We weren’t spring chickens when we started and now…

Gradually he lost interest. I know he would spank my ass any time I asked, but it’s not the smacks on the butt I’m longing for – hell, I could do that myself. I wanted the lifestyle or at least the possibility of it. He’s not against it, I know that. Every six months or so he emails or in some way brings it up, but sometimes that’s harder. If I block it all I'm okay and can live in peace with myself. I don't have the highs I once experienced, but neither do I feel depressed over it all. But when I get that flicker of hope and then it dies again I do feel depressed.

I can block my desire. I did it for nearly fifty years. But when I block my desire for TTWD it also blocks my sexuality. I’m always scared he’s going to think that I’m saying, ‘If you don’t do this for me, I’m not going to do that for you.’ That’s not it! For me they are the same thing and one just doesn’t work for me without the other.

Can Nick embrace the lifestyle? I think he could if it was something he really wanted. If he had someone by his side to insist on it because overall his life would improve. It would take hard work and maybe more time that he’s willing to give it. But he could do it if he wanted to.

I just re-read that and I could say the same thing about me losing forty pounds.

But am I going to lose that weight?

Is Nick going to be the hard-ass HOH that could help me?

Probably not.

But wouldn’t it be something if Nick and I could begin our adventure all over again.